


Without memory

by Evita76



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Case Fic, Drunk Sex, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Spencer Reid, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, POV Spencer Reid, Pining, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 42,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29063922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evita76/pseuds/Evita76
Summary: After a hard case and a night of drinking in a club, Spencer Reid invites Derek Morgan to his home. The mood heats up and Reid, who is secretly in love with Morgan, seduces him. However, the morning after, neither of them can remember what happened. And while Morgan at least has a suspicion and therefore leaves Spencer's apartment in a hurry, Spencer remains completely clueless. To cover his blackout, Spencer even suggests Derek to just forget about the whole night. But when a case takes the BAU team to Atlanta and Derek and Spencer have to share a hotel room there, things escalate and Spencer more or less breaks down in Derek's arms one night.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 82
Kudos: 150





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Ohne Erinnerung](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29063526) by [Evita76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evita76/pseuds/Evita76). 



> This is the companion piece to my story "Misconceptions," this time told from Spencer Reid's point of view. However, it is not necessary to know my other story to understand this one.  
> I don't have a beta reader, so I welcome any constructive criticism. Also, English is not my first language. Any mistakes I make in the translation, I apologize.  
> The story is still ongoing, but I'll try to post updates regularly.

"Come on, Reid, don't be a buzzkill," Derek urged his friend and colleague, slapping him hard on the shoulder. "One more cocktail, just a very small one. There'll be that much time, right?"

Spencer eyed Derek up and down. "You're drunk as a skunk by now. How many shots did Penelope buy you? Five or six?"

"Seven," Garcia interjected, chuckling. "It was seven. And he's still standing there like a tree. All without swaying. So it wasn't enough."

Spencer just shook his head. In fact, these boozy evenings in some bars or clubs were not his thing at all. But after the last case, from which they had just returned this afternoon, Penelope had persuaded the whole team to go out together.

The case that had taken the team to Boston had been a tough one. The police there had asked them for help because of a serial killer and rapist. The criminal had targeted young bank employees because one of them had refused to give him the loan he wanted. After losing his house to the bank as a result, the guy had completely lost it. His actual target had been unavailable - the young woman was on her honeymoon. But a total of eleven other young women became his victims until the BAU got on his trail - unfortunately an hour too late. They could only recover the eleventh victim dead as well.

Such days called for a diversion, Penelope had explained when she had welcomed the team back. Ignoring any objections, she had dragged her friends and colleagues first to dinner at an excellent Italian restaurant and then to a club. Okay, that's not where the entire team had ended up. Hotch and J.J. had opted out to join their kids. But Spencer himself hadn't come up with an excuse that Penelope would accept. So, after a brief discussion, he had surrendered to his fate and had accompanied his friends to the club.

What had made him offer Derek a ride home later, however, was something he couldn't think of at the moment. Okay, maybe it had been concern for his friend, who was visibly enjoying more alcohol than could be good for him.

"One cocktail, but then it's really over," Spencer tried to explain in a firm voice, but in doing so he had the feeling that his colleagues weren't really taking him seriously. "I'll leave without you otherwise," he admonished Derek.

"One cocktail, then we'll drive. Or rather, you drive and I sit next to you," Derek grinned cheerfully, already hurrying off in the direction of the bar.

Spencer watched him thoughtfully. Okay, he knew exactly why he had offered him the ride: it would be another opportunity to just spend a few minutes alone with Derek. And each of those minutes Spencer treasured.

Despite his eidetic memory, he couldn't pinpoint exactly when he'd fallen in love with Morgan. It had happened kind of insidiously. But the initial crush had since developed into real love - though not reciprocated by Derek. At least that's what Spencer assumed. He watched as his friend at the bar was promptly eyed by two pretty young women and then immediately approached. And it stung his heart a little when he saw Derek, as if he couldn't help it, immediately start flirting with the two women.

Well, Derek was a ladies' man through and through. No room for Spencer in his heart.

When Derek finally returned to the table where Spencer was sitting with Garcia, Emily and Rossi, the cocktail glass he had gotten at the bar was already as good as empty. "Sorry, took a little longer. But those two pretty ones over there wanted to get some chocolate too," Derek grinned. Garcia promptly chuckled. "As long as my chocolate muffin comes back to me afterwards, it's all good."

"Always," Derek affirmed with a laugh, pressing a peck to Garcia's cheek. Then he drained his glass and looked at Spencer promptly. "Now we can drive. So you. I'll ride with you."

"What was that you were drinking at the end anyway," Spencer inquired as he steered his car through the streets of Quantico a short time later. "It looked more like a chemistry set than something to drink."

Indeed, Derek's cocktail had been a strange blue-green color, with a layer of neon yellow on top, but it had tasted really good.

"It was called the Blue Lagoon," Derek replied. "But just don't ask me what was in it. The bartender recommended it to me. And the name is deceptive. It had nothing of a smooth water, there was some serious booze in it." Out of the corner of his eye, Spencer watched Derek run the tip of his tongue over his lips as if he could still taste the cocktail there. Did his friend actually know the longing he was triggering in him?

"I don't remember ever seeing you drink a cocktail," Morgan continued. "A glass of wine at Rossi's, but otherwise ...?"

"Alcohol's not really my thing," Reid returned. "And if I'm going to drink anything, it's not going to be anything that's mixed together in such a way that I can't pick out the ingredients. Who knows what you could get mixed in there?"

"Kid, are you seeing ghosts everywhere now? Not every bartender is a poisoner," Morgan laughed. "Isn't there anything you like?"

Spencer shrugged. "I haven't tried that much. Like I said, alcohol in general ..."

"...isn't really your thing," Morgan interrupted him. "But you can't really know that unless you try something. Maybe there's something you like: beer, prosecco, whiskey?"

"Whiskey I have at home. But I haven't opened the bottle yet," Reid mused more to himself than the words were meant for Derek.

"And why not?" the latter probed. "Why do you buy something that you then don't even drink?"

"I got the bottle as a gift. Supposedly, the whiskey is actually very good. It's over 50 years old," Spencer explained.

"And you're just going to leave it there and wait for it to get even better, or what?" Derek couldn't understand that at all. "A bottle like that isn't just for looking at. It wants to be opened!"

"Oho, Profiler Morgan can even guess the thoughts of bottles now?" smirked Spencer.

"Absolutely. And your bottle is screaming to be opened," Derek returned with a grin. And complained the next moment, "Hey what's up with that? Why are you slamming on the brakes like that?" Frowning, he looked around, but couldn't see any reason anywhere for Spencer's rather violent emergency braking.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," Reid muttered, looking uncertainly over at Morgan, "...I was just thinking, maybe you want to open the bottle with me? So, my apartment's not far from here. And the case is closed. So we don't have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow. And you're obviously not expected by anyone home right now, and I don't have any plans, and ... and ...," Reid babbled until he ran out of breath and arguments."

"My pretty boy, are you trying to invite me back to your apartment for a nightcap?"

Spencer felt a lump in his throat, which immediately turned to butterflies in his stomach. Why did Morgan have to flirt with everything and everyone? Even him? And he wasn't even serious about that!

"Um... well... maybe?", Spencer hesitantly said. And for the umpteenth time, he wished he could be a little more normal after all, a little more average and a little more confident in his dealings with others.

"Well, in that case, let's give this screaming bottle a good look," Derek grinned.

Spencer's heart was at once beating up to his neck. Had now perhaps come the moment he had hoped for so long?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear reader winblack has put together a playlist for this story and the songs really go great with each chapter. The entire playlist is available here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1OpkWlD9cjSNpLLI9EdjTI?si=wcDe441cQkCMRO88MjwqXw&nd=1 
> 
> Chapter 1 – 2 | Stay the Night (remastered 2006) – Chicago / I Wanna Be Yours – Arctic Monkeys  
> Chapter 3 | Nervous – The Neighborhood  
> Chapter 4 | Had Some Drinks – Two Feet / Technicolor Beat – Oh Wonder  
> Chapter 5 | Dreaming the Dream – Fleetwood Mac  
> Chapter 6 | Dazed & Confused – Ruel (D)  
> Chapter 7 | Thoughts - Michael Carreon  
> Chapter 8 | Hypnotized – Fleetwood Mac (D)  
> Chapter 9 & 10 | Can’t Get You Out of my Head – Glimmer of Blooms  
> Chapter 11 | Straight Back – Fleetwood Mac (bc Derek wasn’t sleeping)  
> Chapter 12 | Fine Line – Harry Styles  
> Chapter 13 | Fool’s Gold – One Direction  
> Chapter 15 | What If I Told You That I Love You - Ali Gatie  
> Chapter 16 | Sweet Creature – Harry Styles  
> Chapter 17 | A Drop in the Ocean – Ron Pope  
> Chapter 18 & 19 | Mercy – Shawn Mendes / Heather – Conan Gray  
> Chapter 20 | Drown - Seafret / Home - One Direction  
> Chapter 21 | Instant Crush – Daft Punk feat. Julian Casablanca  
> Chapter 22 | Wondering – Olivia Rodrigo feat. Julia Lester  
> Chapter 23 | Blinding – Florence + The Machine  
> Chapter 24 | love; not wrong (brave) – EDEN  
> Chapter 25 | Rex Orange County - Pluto Projector  
> Chapter 26 | Poker Face - You Me At Six  
> Chapter 27 | Real Thing – Ruel / Die for You – The Weekend (D)


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer could feel his heartbeat throughout his body. Nervously, he ran both hands through his hair. Morgan was sitting outside in his living room, waiting for him. So he only had a few seconds to figure out what he was going to do now. Derek was here, in his apartment, without anything to do with work. Just being a friend - or maybe thinking about dating after all? After all, Morgan had clearly been flirting with him. But then, Morgan flirted all the time, and with just about everyone. So that didn't mean anything. Or did it?

Okay, first of all, that bottle of whiskey had to show up. Where on earth was it?

Spencer rummaged around in his kitchen cabinet until he pulled out the slightly dusty bottle from the last corner. If he had known he could lure Morgan with it, he would have mentioned the bottle earlier.

And now? Oh yes, two glasses. Spencer stared at his glasses, shaking his head. He didn't drink whiskey, so of course he didn't have whiskey glasses. Well, small water glasses would have to do.

Spencer took a deep breath. He knew what he wanted out of this evening, but he had no idea how to get even a little closer to his goal. Relationships were something he didn't know much about. Yes, he had tried it at the university with a - of course clearly older - student. His name was Patrick and he had told Spencer over and over again how incredibly cute he thought he was. Spencer had been just 16, which was the age at which other teenagers had their first experience with their peers, but his boyfriend was already 24. In retrospect, Spencer knew that was doomed from the start. Cognitively, he was vastly superior to Patrick, but emotionally, he had no idea where he was on this roller coaster of emotions. And sexually - a blank slate. It didn't go well for more than four weeks. Then Patrick told him that he did need someone more mature who could actually satisfy him.

"Did you fall asleep?" suddenly Spencer heard a call from his living room.

"Oh ... no ... sorry, of course not. I ... I just had to find the bottle first," Spencer called back. "Be right there."

Another deep breath. By now he knew how to satisfy a partner - at least in theory. The question remained, how could he get Derek to explore the practical side of that knowledge with him?

Spencer grabbed two glasses and the bottle and hurried back to the living room. "Sorry. I forgot where I put the bottle," he quickly tossed Derek an apology.

"You, you forgot where something was?" asked Derek, and it was immediately apparent from his expression that he didn't believe a word Spencer said. "Are you kidding me, kid? Mister Eidetic Memory never forgets anything!"

"Um ... sorry? I ... got distracted?" returned Spencer hesitantly.

He thanked all the deities he could think of right then, when Derek didn't immediately ask what he had been distracted by. His friend instead reached for the whiskey and studied the label. "You're really just going to open that with me tonight? Let me tell you something: whoever gave you this whiskey certainly has good taste and a decently deep wallet. That bottle will have cost a small fortune."

"Of course I want to taste the whiskey with you. I don't know with whom else."

Derek just shrugged and then opened the bottle. He eyed the two tall water glasses Spencer had brought with him somewhat incredulously, but then pulled them toward him anyway and poured two fingerfuls of the golden liquid into both."

"On the Rocks would also be an option, but with this noble drop, that would be a shame," he explained to Reid. He raised one of the glasses and waited for Spencer to do the same. "Here's to you, kid, and thanks to the noble giver." He let his glass bump lightly against Reid's and then took a sip with relish.

Spencer regarded the contents of his glass thoughtfully, first smelling it and then carefully taking a sip.

"Well?" asked Derek, not taking his eyes off him.

"I'm getting warm," Spencer replied. But he wasn't quite sure if the cause was the sip of whiskey whose path down his throat he was tracing, or if it was Derek's intense gaze.

"Yeah, it's full-bodied. You can feel it," Derek returned and leaned back into the couch cushions, smiling in a relaxed manner. "It really makes you feel good."

Spencer looked thoughtfully back and forth between the whiskey and Derek, who had meanwhile closed his eyes, smiling blissfully. The drink seemed to relax him, something he could use right now. Besides, alcohol supposedly loosens the tongue of some people. Perhaps he could use that for his purpose. If he fed Derek more of the whiskey and drank a little himself ... well, maybe he would then have the courage to at least give Derek a hint of how he was feeling. And maybe then, if Derek was so comfortable, he could imagine after all that a man might be the right partner for him, too.

Spencer put his glass to his lips again and took a bigger sip. Derek certainly wouldn't drink alone, so he had to make sure there was reason for a refill.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos. I am glad that my new story has already found some readers.
> 
> Have you ever seen Derek and Spencer drunk? At least Spencer is then, as you will see shortly, no longer completely himself. Although: Even then, many things still bubble out of him that shoot through his head and that he should perhaps think about before saying them.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading and would appreciate any comments.

"Derek, can you tell me something?", Spencer inquired, trying to bring the words clearly over his lips. The alcohol was making itself felt by now, and it took the utmost concentration for him not to swallow a syllable or two. Wide-eyed, he looked over at Derek, who was sitting next to him on the sofa.

"That, pretty boy, depends on what you want to know," Derek grinned wryly. "There are a few secrets even I have to keep." Spencer could tell by Morgan's face that the alcohol had lulled him properly by now.

Morgan lounged comfortably on the couch, his legs stretched out long in front of him and his arms spread out on the back of the chair. This was what pure relaxation looked like.

"Why, ... why are you into women? Well, I mean, into all women? Into every woman who crosses your path. What do they have that I, for example, don't have."

Oops, what had just slipped out of his mouth?

Derek chuckled. "Do I really have to explain that to you now? I thought you paid attention in school. So, listen up, Uncle Derek is going to explain to you the difference between male and female. The females, unlike you, have some nice breasts ..."

"Derek," Spencer interrupted him immediately. "I know ..."

"Yeah apparently you don't. And there, where you've got your ..."

"Stop, stop, stop!" shouted Spencer, actually blushing a little. Which caused Derek to burst out laughing. "You asked, so I should answer, too, right?"

"I meant something completely different."

Derek tilted his head and looked at Spencer waiting.

"I meant why do you flirt with every woman and ... and ..."

"Yeah?"

"And get into bed with every woman who smiles at you even a little bit?" burst out Spencer.

"Do I? Hmm. I like women. I like sex. It makes me feel good and I make women feel good." Derek grinned over at Spencer. "You should try it sometime." And again he laughed as he watched the heat rise to Spencer's face.

"Can you be serious for once?" asked Spencer, though he didn't expect an answer to that. He reached for the whiskey glasses, refilled both, and then bumped his against Derek's. He had quickly realized that this gesture was the quickest way to get his friend to keep drinking. He himself was in desperate need of some more of the liquid courage, and Derek's tongue was clearly not yet as loosened as he would have liked. Spencer took a big gulp and watched Derek follow suit before putting the glass back on the table.

"And what about men?" he inquired cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever ... well, kissed a man ... or ... with him ..." Spencer broke off and took another sip of the whiskey. By now he was no longer warm, but really walking hot.

"You wonder if I've ever fucked a man before? Nah, sure you haven't. I'm not gay."

"Kissed either?" echoed Spencer. But by now he was sure he already knew the answer.

Derek shook his head. "Why do you ask? Did you?"

Spencer hesitated. What would Derek say if he now revealed to him that he had definitely had some experience with men? He knew Derek's history with Carl Buford, of course. This had certainly not helped Derek to see a man as a possible partner, regardless of whether love or sex was the focus. Still, he was relatively certain that his friend had no prejudice against same-sex relationships - at least as long as they didn't directly involve him.

"A little bit," Spencer returned extremely hesitantly, taking another sip of whiskey.

"A little? How can you have a little bit of sex, please?"

Spencer wondered if Derek completely understood what he had just told him. Was he actually starting to quibble with words now, when what Spencer really wanted to know was how he took Spencer not conforming to the heterosexual norm.

Spencer completely ignored Derek's question. "Aren't you curious?"

Derek shrugged. "I never thought about that after the story with Buford."

"And if you're thinking about it now?" Spencer carefully moved a tiny bit closer to Derek and at the same time pressed his glass back into his hand. Involuntarily, Derek drank before answering, "I don't know. Maybe a little."

"You could try it now," Spencer suggested in a whisper.

"What?" asked Derek back just as quietly.

"What it's like to kiss a man."

Spencer looked at Derek searchingly. Now the moment he had longed for and feared had come. Now he had to summon all his courage. Slowly, Spencer leaned further over to Derek until his face blurred before his eyes. Millimeters from Derek's lips, he stopped. He closed his eyes, held his breath - and suddenly felt Derek's lips on his.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you didn't expect it to be just a harmless kiss between Spencer and Derek. Otherwise I would have to disappoint you quite a bit.  
> I just say: In this chapter it will be sexy and extremely hot ;-)
> 
> Please note the rating: If you don't want to read detailed sex scenes between two men, you should skip this chapter.

Starting from his lips, a shiver ran through Spencer's entire body. He felt electrified. He kissed Derek and ... and more importantly, Derek kissed him. Slowly, Spencer let his lips slide over Morgan's. It was so little and yet so unspeakably much. He felt like he could stay in this kiss forever and never be happier.

Like a bolt of lightning, it went through Spencer as Derek's mouth pressed harder on his and his tongue ran along his lips. But that wasn't all: Derek demanded entrance, and with a soft sigh, Spencer gave in.

From then on, everything disappeared in a fog of feelings. Spencer felt as if he had never really been kissed before. Patrick, Simon, Elizabeth, Lila - their kisses were nothing compared to what he was experiencing. A tremor gripped him from the very tip of his hair down to his toes. He wasn't cold, but he sought warmth, moving closer to Derek and clinging to his strong shoulders. In return, Derek clasped his neck and took even more of the lead in the kisses.

Spencer heard himself groan as Derek explored his mouth. He enjoyed it and equally tried to play those feelings back to Derek. He played his tongue around Derek's lips until he finally pushed forward and explored his mouth.

Derek seemed to like it and Spencer could only think of how he could make it even more enjoyable for the man he loved. Derek was no delicate flower, he knew what he wanted and he demanded it. He also, Spencer had gotten the impression, didn't want to be handled with silk gloves. He wanted to savor the moment fully - completely without restraint. And so Spencer decided to throw his restraint overboard, too, and think only of this moment and the here and now. To feel, to give, and at the same time also to demand and to take.

And Spencer wanted to feel more from Derek. More boldly, he let his hands roam over Derek's body and was rewarded with soft sighs. He explored Derek's strong arms, let one hand wander up to his neck, and ran his nails along the back of his neck. A rumble in Derek's chest told him that his touches were quite welcome. While clinging to the back of Derek's neck with one hand, Spencer let the other slide down his back. Under the thin shirt, he felt every one of Derek's powerful muscles. And almost wished he could leave marks there: His fingerprints on Derek's skin. Or further down. Derek had a strong, sexy butt. Spencer didn't know where he got the courage, but he ran his hand unerringly down and grabbed one cheek. Derek groaned and involuntarily tried to push himself even closer to Spencer on the sofa.

Spencer came toward him with his other hand, placed it gently on his thigh.

Spencer winced when he suddenly felt Derek's hands on him as well. The latter had clearly seen his brisk touch as a sign to explore Spencer's body as well. Spencer felt Derek's big hand just below his Adam's apple and Derek had to feel how fast Spencer's heart was beating. The other hand slid along his hip. The target was clear to Spencer.

But Spencer wanted to pleasure Derek, wanted to show him that he could be everything he usually expected his women to be. Wanted to show him that he knew what Derek wanted, and that he could give it to him.

Spencer swallowed and gathered all his courage. Then he let his hand slide between Derek's legs, where he could immediately feel his arousal clearly.

"Do you want me?" murmured Spencer into Derek's ear. "I ... I can make you feel really good."

Did that sound too much like something out of a schmaltzy romance novel? Spencer couldn't help chuckling as he imagined being caught in a medieval romance. But the twitching under his fingers quickly brought him back to reality "You can have me. Any way you want," he assured Derek. Morgan's reaction was not only palpable - he grew even harder under Spencer's fingers - but audible as he groaned loudly.

"A dangerous proposition you're making," Derek growled in Spencer's ear, reaching for his hand and pressing it even firmer on his hard cock, still covered by his pants. "Do you really feel up to all this?" he asked as he did so. And Spencer guessed he didn't just mean the situation, but what was stirring beneath his fingers.

But Spencer had never been so sure of himself. "I'll take anything you give me," he replied briskly.

"Could it be that someone has been hiding a pretty dirty mouth from me?" whispered Derek right to Spencer's lips. "Maybe we should check out what else you can do with it besides make big talk."

Derek bit Spencer's lower lip lightly. Warning or prompting? Spencer didn't know, but he also didn't care. If Derek wanted him to pleasure him with his mouth, he would do just that ... and then some. He had some experience with blow jobs, after all. And not for nothing had he been reading and looking at what he could get his hands on about same-sex love for months.

"Take off your shirt!" demanded Spencer. It wasn't just women who liked having their nipples kissed. And now he was going to put what he had learned to use.

Derek grinned and reached for the hem of his shirt, but Spencer was already getting impatient. Before Derek could slip the shirt completely over his head, Spencer was already pressing his lips to his firm belly and then moving them unerringly upward. Spencer first put his lips lightly on one of Derek's nipples, kissed it gently and then playfully licked it a few times.

But all at once he felt Derek's hand in his hair and he pulled his head back so he could look him in the eye. "Is that all you have to give me?" let Derek hear a mock rumble.

Spencer shivered under the intense gaze. Oh yes he did, he could and wanted to give so much more. Spencer pulled Derek's hand out of his hair and pressed it into the sofa cushion. "Oh, just watch what I can give you! Hold on," he warned the dark-skinned man before turning to the other nipple - and biting Derek there briskly.

Morgan groaned, the small pain only fueling his arousal further. "Bad boy," he brought out between clenched teeth. That only drove Spencer on even more. Alternately, he worked Morgan's nipples with his lips, teeth and fingers, always keeping him on the fine line between pleasure and pain.

"Who the fuck taught you that?" he heard Derek mutter seconds later.

"I can do more, I'm a genius," Spencer chuckled in response. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that?"

"Show me," Derek demanded immediately.

Spencer hesitated for a moment. "Not here," he then returned, easing off Derek's chest. He certainly had more in mind, and the couch wasn't the place for that. For him, love belonged in bed, not between the sofa cushions in the living room. Swaying slightly, Spencer stood up. Of course, he had often heard and read that alcohol affected one's sense of balance. So that's what it felt like. Hopefully the whiskey didn't have any more weird side effects. Spencer had to chuckle. He felt so light he could almost imagine floating.

But there was something else that could make him float. Quickly, Spencer pulled his shirt over his head. He wanted to feel even closer to Derek. And clothes definitely were an obstacle.

Spencer turned to Derek and saw him staring at him with a glowing gaze.

"You want more?" murmured Spencer softly, coaxing Morgan toward him with his finger. Grinning, Derek rose and stepped toward Spencer. Reid didn't waste a second and immediately went to work on Derek's belt and then pants. After Derek got rid of the shoes, Spencer immediately stripped off his pants and then knelt in front of him to remove his socks. "I'm going to pleasure you all over," Spencer sighed. As he did so, he couldn't take his eyes off the big bulge in Derek's underpants. He had sensed earlier that Derek was not exactly average. How many inches would be hidden there? Maybe too much after all? But the nervousness he sensed could do nothing to dampen his arousal.

Slowly, he stood up, noticing Derek watching him intently. Morgan pulled him close and kissed him again. As he did, Spencer felt his big hands on his butt. Too little, not fast enough, it flashed through Spencer's mind before he pushed Derek off of him again and then quickly extricated himself from his pants and socks. Then he grabbed Derek's hand and pulled him into his bedroom.

Arriving in front of the bed, Spencer pressed himself tightly against Derek. This feeling was just wonderful. "I have ..." he murmured between teasing little kisses where Derek tried in vain to keep his lips captive, "... I have a plan. ... I'm so ... so ready for you. ... You know I'm a ... a genius. ... IQ of 187, I'm pre ... prepared, ... always prepared."

Spencer knew exactly what he wanted. What he'd never had with any other partner before. Kisses, touching with hands and mouth, he knew it. Elizabeth was the only one he had really slept with. But she had been as inexperienced as he was. He still lacked practice, but in theory he now knew exactly what it could be like between two men. Even if he didn't necessarily want to take some movies he had watched as an example of a sexual relationship with Derek.

"Less talking, more doing," Derek's words snapped him out of his train of thought. Oh yes, that's what he wanted. When Derek tried to kiss him again, Spencer pushed him backward, causing him to land on the bed in surprise. And before he could have another nervous tantrum, he removed first his and then Derek's boxers. But when he looked back down at Derek's stiff cock, he still hesitated a little.

"Too much for you, though?" asked Morgan challengingly, grinning suggestively.

"I just don't know where to start," Spencer murmured, trying to mask his uncertainty, letting the tip of his tongue slide across his lips.

"Wherever you want, as long as you finally start," Derek returned, then swallowed hard as Reid knelt between his legs, letting his gaze wander back and forth between his face and his cock in a running fashion.

"Maybe here," Spencer murmured, running his fingers lightly up Derek's right thigh, "or here." He planted a kiss on Derek's left hip. "Or here, after all?" Spencer leaned further up, surprisingly sure of the effect he was having on Derek. Stifling a grin, he just let his hair brush lightly over Derek's cock before circling his tongue around his navel.

Spencer felt Derek's fingers sink into his hair, but now he didn't want to relinquish control. He reached for Derek's hand and pressed it firmly to the bed, as he had done on the couch. "Leave your fingers there or I'll stop," he admonished, seeking Derek's gaze. The latter looked back as if transfixed and then nodded, the sign for Spencer to continue his game.

Spencer paused for a few seconds, his head lowered over Derek's hips. He hadn't realized that the touches he was giving Derek could arouse him so much himself. Without Morgan touching him, he had become hard himself, demanding attention. But Spencer wasn't about to give in to that just yet, not until he had driven Derek to the brink of insanity.

Tentatively, Spencer placed small kisses on Derek's stomach and legs, wandering closer and closer to his cock, but not touching it. Derek's breathing grew heavier, light sighs mingled in between.

"Please!" suddenly burst out of Morgan.

Spencer had to smile. That Derek lacked the right words didn't happen often either. But he could accommodate the request. Spellbound, Spencer stared at Derek's cock as he slowly slid his fingers over it and Derek twitched beneath him. But that was not enough reaction for him.

Spencer was rewarded with a loud moan as he slid his tongue over Derek's tip.

"Please, please, more!" moaned Derek between clenched teeth

"What more?" asked Reid with a grin, letting his eyes wander back and forth between Derek's face and his cock. "You can have me any way you want. You just have to tell me."

Derek groaned loudly. "Your mouth, your overly naughty mouth is what I want. My cock in your m ... aah!"

Derek moaned again as Spencer did exactly what he wanted. Without further teasing, he slid his lips down Derek's cock as far as he could and began to suck.

"Fuck!" cursed Derek. And Spencer could tell by his hands clawing at the sheets how hard he was trying to hold back and let him, Spencer, continue to take the lead. That had to be rewarded.

Spencer moved his tongue around Derek's cock, running up the seam along his shaft and circling the tip. He pulled back to tip with his lips, only to have Derek's cock immediately slide back further into his mouth in the next instant.

"Reid, stop!" came Derek's sudden call. "I ... oh ... I’m coming any second." But that was exactly what Spencer wanted, and there was no way he was going to half-ass it and let go of Derek now. He paused for a moment, feeling his own arousal, and then focused fully again on what his mouth could do to Derek. Faster and faster he let his lips slide up and down around Derek until he felt Derek's cock begin to twitch. The moment Derek poured into his mouth, Spencer shuddered too and he came without needing a single touch.

Spencer enjoyed sliding his lips over Derek for a few more seconds, licking along his cock. Then he slowly crawled up and half dropped onto Derek.

Closeness, now he needed a lot of closeness. And blissfully, Spencer felt Derek wrap an arm around him and slowly slide his hand down his back.

"There ... I guess I owe you one now," Derek murmured, still sounding rather breathless.

Spencer just shook his head slightly, too exhausted to say anything now.

"Let me ... too," Derek whispered in his ear.

Spencer put a finger to his lips. It was nice to know that Derek wanted to give him pleasure, too, but nothing would stir with him for the next few minutes. Spencer reached for Derek's hand and pulled it to his cock to let him feel that he had climaxed, too.

"Are you ...?", Derek tried to make sure, but Spencer interrupted him with a kiss. "I need to sleep now," he murmured, then contentedly lowered his head to Derek's chest.


	5. Chapter 5

Comfortably Spencer stretched in his bed. He had had a wonderful dream. In it, he had actually had the courage to invite Derek to his home. And he had succeeded in seducing him.

Spencer opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, musing. Okay, if he remembered correctly, at least part of it hadn't been a dream. He'd actually invited Morgan - or rather, Morgan had somehow invited himself - to try the whiskey that had lain dormant in the kitchen cupboard for ages. That he had drunk a glass or two, he could remember that, too, but then ... a great emptiness.

If anyone knew, Spencer thought to himself. A little alcohol and my brain is good for nothing. That was something he would certainly never tell Morgan. He could already guess how Morgan would continually tease him about it - and how he would try to get him drunk just to see if his memory really did resemble Swiss cheese afterwards. There was only one big upside to the whole story: the typical hangover did not accompany Spencer's drinking, no matter how much he drank.

Spencer sat up. What time was it anyway? Somehow he had to have managed to find his way to bed. And Derek had probably said goodbye at some point during the night.

Spencer threw back the blanket and stumbled: his dream had clearly been very vivid and had left traces. So he quickly got into the shower. A glance at the clock told him that he certainly had to hurry if he still wanted to get to the office on time.

*****

Determined, Reid strode down the hall. Five minutes late, he didn't like it, but he wasn't really to blame either. The subway had been so crowded that he simply hadn't been able to find a seat on the first train he'd reached. And even if he could have squeezed in between - he didn't like it when so many strangers touched him. So he had rather accepted the delay.

"I'm sure our boy wonder doesn't have a headache today," Spencer just heard Prentiss say as he turned out of the hallway into the bullpen.

"What about me? Why would I have a headache?" he immediately inquired. Had Morgan been telling everyone around that he had been drunk? Checking, he glanced toward Morgan, who was already sitting at his desk. From the look on Derek's face, the whiskey must have done a number on him.

"I was just telling J.J. about last night. She doesn't know what she always misses when family life calls," Emily explained. "And in the process, we came to the conclusion that Derek is obviously getting old and can't hold his liquor anymore. Just look at him. He sits there like a heap of misery. And then he claims we put something in his cocktails because he didn't drink that much."

Prentiss grinned broadly, and Spencer could see how much she enjoyed teasing Morgan. But it made Reid feel guilty. Sure, Morgan had drunk quite a bit at the club last night, but it had probably been the whiskey that had then caused him to feel so bad today. Spencer had put the bottle back in his cupboard, but only a small glass remained. And he strongly suspected that Derek had gotten considerably more of the alcohol than he had.

"You really don't look well," Reid commented in Morgan's direction. "Have you done anything about the hangover yet?"

Derek didn't answer. He just kind of stared straight ahead, as if he hadn't noticed anyone talking to him at all.

"Did he fall asleep with his eyes open now?" muttered Jareau softly.

"Derek?", Reid tried louder. That had an effect.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" asked Morgan as he massaged his temples. "I don't think I'm quite myself today. Shouldn't have gotten up."

Spencer had to smile despite his guilty conscience. "You'll survive that little hangover." Somehow it was nice to know that the big tough guy had his weak points, too. Still, he would apologize to him later in an uninterrupted minute about the whiskey. He should have known that that much alcohol wasn't good for Morgan.

Reid trotted slowly to his desk and pulled out the two files he had had at home and wanted to continue working on today. As he did so, his thoughts returned to his dream. It was all rather blurry, but he felt he could still feel now how he had been in Derek's arms. If only reality wasn't so far from that wish.

Spencer was about to sit down when Hotch appeared in the doorway to his office. "Meeting in five minutes. We have a new case," the team leader announced.

"I guess the bad guys really don't want to give us a break," Prentiss sighed. J.J. nodded, "They don't even take into consideration that we haven't yet finished the paperwork on the last case."

Spencer reached for his tablet. He usually had the least trouble with one case following closely on the heels of another. After all, there was no one waiting for him at home. And at work, he was constantly surrounded by the people who mattered most to him - besides his mother.

Spencer involuntarily glanced over at Derek's desk. "You coming?" he asked his friend and colleague, who had that funny look in his eyes again.

Derek visibly winced. "Yeah, I’ll be right there," he replied half-heartedly, then started rummaging around in his drawer.

Spencer couldn't even remember when he'd ever seen Morgan so absent. His heart tightened a little. He would love to hug Derek right now. But when they did from time to time, it was usually because one of them had escaped a life-threatening situation or needed comfort. Certainly not because of a little hangover. If only the situation were a little different.

But Spencer dropped the thought. The situation was no different now and never would be. With a nod toward Derek, he turned and followed the others into the briefing room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would the BAU be without a case? It would have lost its reason for being. And so there will also be a case in this story. You'll find out what it's all about in this chapter.  
> Thanks for the kudos. Feel free to leave me a comment, how you like the story.

Something was really wrong with Morgan today, Spencer thought to himself as he looked across the aisle of the jet to where his friend was sitting. And he strongly suspected it had nothing to do with the fact that they were leaving immediately for the next trip without a break because of the next case. Rather, Reid was beginning to suspect that Morgan was not well disposed toward him. Normally, they often sat next to each other on the plane, discussing the case on the flight to their destination or playing cards when it was time to go home. But this time Derek had placed his bag on the seat next to him. And while Spencer was still undecided whether to ask if Derek would vacate the seat, the latter had already offered it to Emily. This definitely felt like trouble. Was the comment earlier in the office that someone had slipped something into his drink supposed to mean that he suspected that he, Spencer had slipped something into his whiskey to bring about his terrible condition? He couldn't really blame him to do that, after all. Yes, they sometimes played tricks on each other, but they had never been at the expense of health. And Derek couldn't assume that he would cause him physical harm, even if it was only temporary.

Spencer shook his head. He would try to talk to Derek. But for now, he needed to focus on the new case.

Aaron Hotchner had been in the office early as usual and, even before the whole team had arrived, had gotten this new case on the table, which was now already taking them away from Quantico again. Three teachers had been murdered in Atlanta the previous night, all working at the same school. Understandably, fear and terror now swept through the teaching community. The school had been closed and all teachers told to stay home. But after all three victims had been shot in their own homes, this did not mean that the teachers were now safe. And since the high school's staff numbered nearly 200, placing everyone under police protection was out of the question. The Atlanta Police Department's lead detective had quickly realized that he needed urgent assistance here, so he had turned to the BAU. Now the entire team was on the jet, preparing to arrive in Atlanta during the two-hour flight.

"Have the police arrested any suspects yet?" inquired Rossi, who sat across from Morgan. Hotch next to him shook his head. "The Atlanta Police Department suspects it may have been a student, but they haven't gotten beyond those suspicions yet. The murders occurred in quick succession, the last one just a few hours ago. They're still completely wrapped up in forensics."

"This whole thing is a press feeding frenzy," Jennifer Jareau spoke up. "I bet the vultures are already circling."

Hotch nodded. "The first radio stations are already covering it. That's why you're going to go with me to the police office and coordinate with the press officer there on what's going out. I want to keep as much of all this under wraps as possible until we've looked at all the information that's out there and the profile is firm."

The team leader then looked to Rossi, "The principal is the only one under police protection right now. You and Emily meet with him at the school. We need to know if there have been any threats, incidents that point to a unsub, trouble with students or parents beyond the usual."

Rossi nodded. "Back to school. I don't envy those teachers or the students."

"Morgan, Reid," Hotch continued. "You're looking at the three crime scenes. Our local law enforcement colleagues should still be at the last one at this time. Your best bet is to start there."

"That was the gym teacher," Spencer muttered, glancing at the file he had opened in front of him. "I'm sure there are plenty of students who suffered under him." Thinking back to his own high school days, Reid could certainly understand how one student or another had harbored murderous thoughts. As a kid among significantly older classmates, gym class had been a sheer horror for him. It was the only subject in which he was not ahead of his classmates, and they - and the gym teacher - had mercilessly exploited that to torment him.

Spencer glanced back over at Morgan, who seemed to be studying the file intently. But at the same time, his eyes twitched back and forth, much more like he was seeing something in his mind's eye than on the paper in front of him.

"We need to find out what commonalities there are between the teachers who were murdered. The most obvious one is the school, but we can't rule out that there's more," Hotch continued to explain. "Morgan, put Garcia on it and explain that it's urgent. We need the first clues when we get to the police station."

Spencer looked over at Morgan when no sound came from him. Rather, Derek was still staring at the file.

"Morgan?" asked Hotch more loudly. Seemingly a bit confused, Morgan looked up. "Sorry, what?"

Emily shook her head. "Derek still seems to have too much alcohol in his blood to think rationally," she explained with a grin, adding, "I'll talk to Garcia. Maybe you'll take a nap before we land so Spencer doesn't have to do all the work alone at the scene." She patted his knee and then reached for her cell phone to talk to Penelope.

"Sorry," Morgan apologized again. "My headache just won't let up. But by the time we land, I'm sure I'll be fine."

Spencer was genuinely sorry for Morgan's condition, which he felt was partly his fault. "Do you need any pills?" he inquired, and immediately began searching for them in his bag. Since headache attacks plagued him more often, he always carried an appropriate antidote. He pulled out the bottle and held it out to Derek, but Derek hesitated to take it and looked at him inquiringly. Did he now also think Spencer was trying to poison him with some kind of pills?

But then Morgan took the bottle and fished out a pill. "Thank you," he murmured softly.

It was clear to Spencer that he urgently needed to talk to Derek. This distrust between them had to go. He had to reassure Morgan how sorry he was for everything, and repair the tarnished friendship that was more important to him than anything else.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the new kudos! :-)

"I'm sorry," Reid immediately stated as he closed the door of the black SUV behind him and sat alone in the vehicle with Derek. He needed to fix right now what he had done there last night with the alcohol. Morgan was so terribly important to him. He couldn't stand another second of something coming between them and damaging their relationship. The drive to the scene, the gym teacher's apartment, should provide enough time for the necessary discussion.

Spencer immediately saw how tense Derek was. Morgan clutched the steering wheel convulsively, probably to keep from immediately venting his anger.

But Derek's words surprised Spencer: "You're sorry? Why is that?" At that, Morgan started the car and steered it briskly onto the road. And it stunned Spencer even more when Morgan continued, "I am sorry. After all, it was me who just stole away."

Now Spencer didn't understand anything. "It's no big deal," he quickly countered. "I didn't expect you to still be there in the morning, either." After all, why would Derek want to sleep on his couch, too, when there was a comfy bed waiting for him at home. Well, he had to take a cab because Spencer certainly couldn't make good on his promise to drive him home, drunk as he was. But it was absolutely clear that Derek wasn't going to spend the night at his place.

"So you're not mad that I took off?", Morgan huffed again. Spencer could only shake his head. Was this another one of those things between friends that, like some of the other behavior of the people around him, he couldn't understand?

"But I hope you're not mad at me because you're so miserable now," Spencer tried to bring the conversation back to where his guilty conscience was bothering him.

"It's my own fault for letting Penelope make me drink like that," Derek explained thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have taken advantage." Spencer immediately realized he had hit some sore spot with that sentence as Derek visibly winced and the joints on his hands stood out from gripping the wheel so tightly.

"W... I beg your pardon?", Morgan brought out between clenched teeth.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Spencer immediately repeated. He really needed to convince Derek that he meant it and that nothing like that would ever happen again. "I should have realized that more alcohol could only hurt. But you know, I can't hold my liquor, you were so funny, I wanted to be funny too. So one thing led to another."

Examining Morgan, Spencer looked over at him, trying to read from his face what effect his words were having on his friend. The frown didn't seem to bode well, though. "More alcohol? Does that mean we drank some more after the club?" inquired Derek after a few seconds.

Spencer truly hadn't expected this question. "You don't remember that?"

"Not really?" confessed Derek hesitantly.

That's when a chandelier popped on Spencer and he couldn't hold back a giggle. From the looks of it Morgan had a similar problem with his memory as he did. "Oh dear, I really didn't mean that," Spencer returned, absolutely serious despite his giggle. Now it was time to play a little poker. There was no way he wanted Morgan to realize that he didn't remember anything about the night. "I was going to take you home, but on the way we talked about cocktails and other alcohol. And I told you I've had a bottle of whiskey sitting around for years. It's supposed to be excellent, but I've never gotten around to drinking it. You know ..."

"Sure, alcohol isn't your thing," Derek interrupted him. "So that means we went to your place and tasted the whiskey?"

"Tasted it?" Spencer tousled his hair, "I'd say we killed it. At least the bottle was pretty much empty this morning."

Derek groaned. "And ... and then?" he wanted to know further.

"Well, the rest is just history," Reid said, almost happy again. Derek obviously didn't hold a grudge against him. It was probably really just the headache that was getting to him. Still, Spencer huffed again, "Unless you're mad at me for getting you extra drunk after all."

Spencer squinted cautiously at Derek. "No ... no, I'm telling you, if something like this happens, it's my own fault," the latter muttered.

"Whew, I'm really relieved then. I wouldn't have known how to make amends," Spencer babbled on in relief. "But I can see you're not comfortable with it. Should we just forget about the whole night? I won't tell anyone about it either."

That would be the easiest solution then, to prevent Derek from learning that Spencer's memory was also extremely incomplete.

"Yeah, ... yeah," Derek said hesitantly. "Maybe that's really for the best." And that seemed to settle the issue for him. Reid leaned back in his seat with relief. His friendship with Derek was still intact. And if he felt lonely again, well, he could remember the dream he'd had the previous night. Maybe ... maybe someday there was a chance for something more between Derek and him. And if not, then he wanted to enjoy what they already had.


	8. Chapter 8

Spencer glanced at the file, then looked up the appropriate street name on the city map in front of him. After they returned from the crime scene, Hotch had immediately tasked him with creating a geographic profile - at least as far as that was possible with the few points they currently had. So Spencer was now larding the board they had managed to get into the briefing room for him with flags. He was already pretty sure that this case had the potential to be quite difficult and nerve-wracking.

The Atlanta Police Department had done a good job at the three crime scenes, but that was not nearly enough to create a solid unsub profile right now.

All three teachers, physical education teacher John Carter, English teacher Vanessa Partridge, and chemistry teacher Ben Horten, had been shot in their homes, Partridge and Horten in their sleep, Carter as he was coming down the stairs from the top floor. Presumably, he had heard that someone had entered the house and wanted to confront the would-be burglar. A baseball bat lying at the foot of the stairs, bearing only the victim's fingerprints, indicated this.

The murders had occurred about two hours apart, one after the other. Horten had probably been hit between midnight and one o'clock. The chemistry teacher lived alone, so it was not yet possible to narrow down the time more precisely. Hopefully, questioning the neighbors could shed some light on this. Partridge had become the killer's next victim shortly after three o'clock. The perpetrator had entered the house unnoticed and had surprised the woman in her sleep. Her husband was out of town on business, and the children had been awakened by the gunshots. They had rushed out of their beds to see where the noise was coming from, but by then the perpetrator had already disappeared. After finding their dead mother, the children had run to the neighbors, who had alerted the police.

But the police did not realize that this was a connected series of murders until the third murder was reported around five o'clock. Carter's wife had been awakened by the shooting of her husband and immediately ran out of the bedroom, only to find her husband dead on the stairs. She had explained to the officers that she had had the impression that someone had disappeared out the door at that moment, but she could not remember more than that vague feeling. Perhaps a cognitive interview with her could yield more clues.

Spencer was almost a little surprised that Derek hadn't immediately insisted on subjecting Mrs. Carter to this questioning. Instead, his friend was now sitting at the table behind him, studying the records of witness interviews that the local police had already conducted. Rossi and Emily had not yet returned from school. Obviously, the principal had some things to report. J.J. was preparing initial information with the press secretary to give to the media, while Hotch was coordinating with the lead detective on how many forces could be mobilized to protect the teachers. Because, unfortunately, no one could believe that it was all over with these three murders.

Derek is somehow not himself, it flashed through Reid's mind again. Somehow he had the impression that not only the alcohol could be to blame for that. And the discussion between them hadn't straightened everything out either. Rather, Spencer had the feeling that Derek was sneaking around him as if he were a bomb that might go off at any moment. What had he done to provoke this? After all, if they'd been playing pranks on each other lately, Reid could have understood. If they had, Morgan would surely be on guard for revenge now. But there had been nothing like that for weeks.

What if he's noticed that you have a crush on him?" Spencer's inner voice said. But Spencer didn't want to hear it at all. How long had he been hiding his feelings now? For an eternity. And it was better that way. What if Morgan had noticed something? Maybe he had said something stupid to Morgan last night that had put him on the trail. And now he didn't know how to deal with him.

Spencer shook his head inwardly. Derek couldn't remember anything. Hopefully something like that wouldn't stick in his head. Besides, Spencer was relatively sure that Morgan didn't even know he was pansexual - let alone that he did even know what that was.

Spencer felt like he was under a microscope right now, under a lens that focused a beam of light on his back. Derek definitely had to be looking in his direction.

"Is something wrong?" he inquired cautiously.

"Um, no. Why?" returned Derek immediately, making Spencer all the more certain that Derek was staring at him.

"Because I notice that you've been staring at me - or at the map, for that matter - for a few minutes now. Have you noticed anything I haven't?" He cast a questioning glance over his shoulder at Morgan.

Derek shook his head. "No, I was just ... just thinking about how the unsub could get into all three houses so undetected. How come no one has an alarm system there?"

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief. So it was all about the case. He turned back to his map and studied the individual flags. He had marked the residences of the three victims. However, they did not provide much information. Only one thing was clear: the temporal distance compared to the geographical distance of the crime scenes from each other showed that the perpetrator was definitely motorized. By public transport or even by bicycle or on foot, the murders could not have followed each other in this relatively short time. But this knowledge would not help them until they had a few suspects. Then they could possibly rule out people who didn't have a car or motorcycle available.

"I'm going to get a coffee, do you want me to bring you one?" interrupted Derek Reid's train of thought.

"Coffee? Always," Spencer promptly replied, smiling. Nothing could help him think better than black coffee with lots of sugar. And maybe it would occur to him what was going on with Derek.

The thought, however, dampened his mood again. He had the impression that the longer he carried his secret around, the harder it was for him to see Morgan all the time and not blurt it out at some point. And he felt so torn. On the one hand, he kept having to watch Derek having one affair after another, categorically with women, of course. A clear sign that he would never be able to have a chance with him. Derek obviously didn't possess a single even slightly homosexual cell in his body. So it was better not to make any attempt at all than to possibly destroy their friendship. And on the other hand, Spencer wanted nothing more than to reveal his feelings and finally have clarity. The uncertainty, he felt, was worse than the rejection he was likely to get. If only he had the courage.

And then there was the ever-present glimmer of hope when Derek was so close to him, when he joked with him, sometimes even flirted. When he called him kid or pretty boy and put his arm around his shoulders. Those moments had always made him think he could win Derek over after all.

Spencer shook his head at himself when he thought about how many love and sex manuals he had devoured by now. He knew half the Kama Sutra by heart, just to be able to offer Derek exactly what he wanted - should he ever get the chance.

But all this was completely pointless as long as he could not muster the courage to confess the truth to Derek.

Spencer's good mood had completely changed in just a few minutes. It all frustrated him terribly, and this case was adding to it. Hotch's assignment had been a complete waste of time. There was nothing to be done with these few data points.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos.  
> Otherwise, it's so quiet out there. I would really appreciate some comments.

"I can't get any further without more data," Spencer grumbled when Derek came back into the meeting room a few minutes later. Even the coffee Derek held under his nose couldn't compete with his frustration now.

"You mean without more murders?" inquired Derek.

Reid ran both hands through his hair. "Yeah, ... no, ... I ... How am I going to be able to narrow anything down when the teachers are spread out all over the city and there's such a clear distance between the crime scenes? I don't think a geographic profile is going to get us anything here. Not now. The perpetrator probably doesn't choose his victims based on geographic location. He probably has very different criteria. And ... heck ... this doesn't do us any good!"

Frustrated, Spencer started to take individual flags off the map again, but Derek caught his arm and stopped him.

"I'm just as frustrated as you are, but this is going to help us," Morgan assured him.

"Maybe not now, but certainly later. At least it lets us know right now that we're dealing with a unsub who has a car or motorcycle at his disposal. If there are any more murder attempts tonight" - and Spencer clearly heard Derek emphasize "attempts" - "then maybe we can better narrow down how fast he moves from one point to the next, how well he knows his way around. And maybe we'll even be able to spot him somewhere based on traffic cameras along the route. So keep your markers stuck. We still need them."

Spencer puffed out audibly, then nodded. He hated it when he felt like he was at a dead end, waiting for a new clue to come from somewhere. Few things tugged at his nerves more than when he was doomed to inaction and helplessness.

At that moment, Derek's cell phone, which was on the table, rang. Spencer knew immediately who was on the other end when he heard Derek's exuberant "Baby Girl!" He would love to be in Penelope's shoes sometimes. She found it so wonderfully easy to flirt with Derek all the time. Not that she would get anywhere with it, but that wasn't really in her mind either. Still, if he could just get a piece of that, maybe his situation wouldn't be so hopeless.

"What did you find?" asked Derek, then turned on the speaker on his phone and placed it on the table for Spencer to listen in.

"Well, there are the usual troublemakers at Atlanta High, of course, which there are at other schools. I went through all the school records and cross-checked the kids who were striking with the juvenile records" Garcia explained on the other end. "In fact, there are five that have stuck that have been repeatedly noticed in school, some of them have even been temporarily suspended, and they also have juvenile records for various acts of violence. I'll send you the relevant files to your tablets in a moment. After Rossi told me that there are probably also some rivalries among the teachers at the school, I also took a look at the entire teaching staff. And lo and behold, two teachers here also strike me as more than strange."

"Strange in what way?" inquired Spencer.

"Well, one, a certain Marc Yuguhashi, who is a biology teacher, has a sealed juvenile record. I'm already getting my fingers into it. As soon as I know more, I'll let you know."

"And the other one?" echoed Derek.

"Well, that one ... he's only been in existence for five years. Very strange. I just can't find anything about the man that's older than five years."

This really struck Spencer as extremely suspicious. "Who is he? There must be entries about him, right? Where did he graduate from? He must have proven he's even allowed to teach." Spencer nearly doubled over with excitement. Finally, a starting point. Finally, something to distract himself from his impasses - those of a personal nature and professional ones.

"Frederick Hollander, like Carter as a physical education teacher at the school. But he teaches computer science on the side," came Penelope's immediate reply. "You should definitely take a look at him. I'll send you what I could find on him."

"Thanks my girl, you're a huge help as always," Derek praised.

"Go get the bad guy!" returned Penelope. "And Derek: don't forget to bring my big dark chocolate lollipop!"

Derek grinned as he hung up. Spencer could only imagine that the lollipop was some innuendo he didn't understand. Usually with lollipops, cherry was Garcia's preferred flavor. Maybe he should ask her about it when they got back to Quantico.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently got the suggestion to write a story in which Spencer stands out with special dance skills. I'm working on that now in parallel and have made Spencer an expert in Latin American dancing. However, I'm not quite sure yet where to take the story, or to what extent I'll have Derek and Spencer come together while dancing. 
> 
> What do you think about the following ideas:  
> * Derek remains a secret observer because he doesn't know any dance moves, and in the process realizes how sexy Spencer can be (what can he do with that hip swing in bed?).  
> * Derek asks Spencer for dance lessons (What excuse can he find?).  
> * Derek surprises Spencer by saying he can also do dance steps, and asks him to dance at a dance club (Who takes over the woman's steps? What do you think of two men doing ballroom dancing)?
> 
> I would appreciate your opinions and suggestions.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter was a bit short, here's a longer one again - with some speculations between the colleagues about Derek's love life ;-)

It was already after ten o'clock in the evening when the team finally left the police station and made their way to a nearby hotel, where J.J. had meanwhile arranged rooms for them. Hotch had declared the day over, for he could see by the profilers that they were beginning to reach the end of their tether. He had very much hoped not to have to travel around at least for a few days after the past case. How much he missed the quiet office work on days like these! And the team really deserved a little time off. But serial killers didn't take that into consideration, unfortunately.

Spencer hadn't actually wanted to go to the hotel with the team yet. After all, Garcia had sent them some material, and going through the files thoroughly was something that could be done in the evening or at night. Maybe then he could come up with some leads by morning. But Hotch seemed to disagree entirely. Not only had he insisted that he leave the police station now, no, he had even forbidden him to take some of the files with him to study them in the hotel. Spencer felt thoroughly patronized when Hotch also suggested that he get a good night's sleep - something that didn't exactly help to improve his mood.

"Looks cozy," Emily murmured as the group entered the hotel's foyer. The room really did exude coziness, the big plush chairs inviting them to linger.

"And I'm sure we are getting a nightcap over there," Rossi quickly stated, pointing to a doorway leading to the hotel bar.

"No alcohol, not again," Morgan groaned, which immediately elicited a laugh from the others. "Sure thing, you're welcome to stick with lemonade," Rossi grinned, patting him on the back.

J.J., meanwhile, had made her way to the counter and inquired about the rooms she had booked.

Spencer dropped into one of the chairs. "Really comfortable. I could use one of those at home," he murmured as he sank into it. The chair would be just big enough for two of them to snuggle in, close together, too. Spencer's thoughts galloped away with him: he could only imagine himself leaning against Derek in the armchair, a book in his hands, reading poetry from it, while Derek held him, caressed him, or kissed him.

But his thoughts were abruptly interrupted when J.J. returned and placed two old-fashioned keys on the small table around which the armchairs were grouped. A third she kept in her hands.

"Here are the room keys," she explained. "Breakfast is served in the room next to the bar from six o'clock. If you want, you can have a packed lunch made up for the day. We have the rooms indefinitely, so we can leave anything we don't need tomorrow. Access to the WLAN can be found in the rooms. And as always, if you help yourself from the minibar, you pay for it yourself."

Was this another sign of fate?

It always happened that two team members shared a room. Everyone had already gotten used to this. They were also used to the usual distribution: J.J. together with Emily, Hotch with Rossi. Which meant that Reid would once again share a room with Morgan. After spending half the day playing out "what if" situations in his head, though, Spencer almost felt like he'd conjured up this new twist by doing so.

"So, in half an hour at the bar?" inquired Rossi. Emily nodded immediately, while J.J. and Hotch shook their heads. Jennifer wanted to take the opportunity to talk to Will on the phone in peace. And Hotch, well he had certainly brought work with him, even if he had told Spencer not to.

"So what about you two?" inquired Emily. Spencer felt torn. On the one hand, he wasn't a big fan of visiting bars. And he didn't need a repeat of what alcohol did to his memory right away, either. On the other hand, he was terribly exhilarated. Sleeping right now was almost out of the question. He couldn't work, because the files had stayed in the office. And read. Well he had unfortunately forgotten to pack himself some new books. The five that were slumbering at the bottom of his bag he had read during their last case.

A quick glance at Derek showed that he was still undecided, too. Maybe if he went to the bar, his friend would go along. That might cheer him up a little, at least.

"I'm in," Spencer therefore decided. "I feel like I can't sleep right now anyway." He looked up at Derek expectantly. But his answer surprised him, "Without me. I think my headache is coming back. I'm going to lie down."

With that, Derek grabbed one of the two keys and turned toward the elevator.

What was that now, Spencer wondered as he quickly grabbed his small travel bag and hurried after him. After all, he hadn't even seen what number her room was. If he was going to let himself get dumped now, he could start by looking for where his bed was tonight.

"Are you sure you don't want to come downstairs anymore," Spencer inquired of Derek as he came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. Derek rummaged around in his bag and looked up only briefly. "Not today, boy wonder. I really need to see about getting some rest and order in my brain," he replied. Spencer really hadn't expected this when he had promised Rossi and Emily his appearance. Now he would only too gladly change his mind again and keep Derek company. But how was he going to explain without giving himself away?

"Sorry again about that," he muttered contritely. He was still sorry that Derek felt so bad because of his whiskey. "I promise I'll never tempt you to drink again."

"It's okay, don't worry about it anymore," Derek returned.

Reid grabbed the key and opened the door. Before slipping out, he glanced back. "Good night, Derek!"

\---

"I didn't think I'd see anything like this," Prentiss laughed when she saw Reid enter the bar. "Derek disappearing into bed early in the evening and our Spencer becoming a party mouse. You'd think someone had switched your bodies."

Reid grinned wryly. "I definitely won't be drinking alcohol, though. There's not that much Morgan in me tonight either."

Rossi slapped him on the shoulder amicably. "The main thing is you're here. I'm sure there's a tap for you around here somewhere."

The three made themselves comfortable at the counter, a place Spencer also had to find his way around. Restlessly, he slid back and forth between Rossi and Prentiss on his barstool until he felt he was finally seated safely. His two colleagues ordered red wine, but Spencer stuck with mineral water, as he had decided.

"Morgan didn't drink that much yesterday," Rossi mused aloud. "How could he have such a lingering hangover?"

Emily shrugged. "I would normally guess he was still at another bar, but you, Spencer, drove him home yesterday, didn't you?"

Reid ducked his head, glad the bar wasn't too brightly lit. He nodded. "You know he left with me," he hid the reality behind a half-truth.

"And did anyone else wait for him at his house, perhaps? Did he say anything?", Prentiss wanted to know. She was at least as curious as Penelope when it came to the private lives of team members. However, less straightforward. Most of the time, like now, she asked everyone else when something had piqued her curiosity, instead of going straight to the person in question like Penelope did.

"No, he didn't say anything," Spencer was able to answer truthfully this time. "I don't think he would give the key to his house to anyone besides his dog sitter."

"Don't be so naive, Spencer," Emily laughed then. "Do you know how much money Derek has already spent on new locks? It must be, as Garcia told me, starting to run into the thousands. One or two of his brief affairs didn't end so well. So I guess it was harder to reclaim the keys than it was to change the locks."

Rossi raised his eyebrows. "And let someone say something again about my three ex-wives. I knew Morgan was a womanizer, but this ... this is really news to me."

Spencer swallowed. These were stories he didn't really want to hear. Was that maybe why Derek was mad and couldn't admit it? Had a woman been waiting for him? Had she left by the time he got home, or had he still encountered her? Probably she had already left. Otherwise, she probably would have made sure Derek remembered staying with him.

"Does he really have a girlfriend right now?" inquired Spencer, even though he didn't really want to know the answer.

Emily shrugged her shoulders. "When does Morgan not have a woman in his life? If it's not one of his 'one to two week' relationships, he's at least hooking up with someone from the nearest disco or bar on the weekends. After all, you've seen plenty of times how girls throw themselves at him by the dozen."

"But enough about the absent ones. How about you, Reid," Rossi inquired. "Any chance there's a future Mrs. Reid in sight?"

Spencer immediately noticed the blush rising to his face. If there was one thing he didn't like to talk about at all, it was his love life. After Maeve's death, his colleagues had left him alone for quite a while, but he had already sensed that the questions would return. And what was he to say now? That the future Mrs. might be a Mr., who certainly wasn't eager to change his last name?

"No, no, no one in sight," he tried to answer as succinctly as possible. Maybe Prentiss and Rossi would stop interrogating him again if he didn't offer a starting point for further questions.

"That can't be happening," Emily said immediately, however. "Derek's right when he always calls you his pretty boy. The girls should be all over you."

"Just as long as I don't open my mouth," Spencer involuntarily snapped.

Rossi laughed good-naturedly. "The right girl will come along who finds your statistics and endless knowledge sexy."

But that wasn't enough for Emily. "Why don't you take a look around here? There are some young women sitting over there, for example. None of them that you'd like?"

Spencer took a quick glance in the direction indicated, but he didn't even have to look closely to know there was no one sitting there who could replace Derek in his heart.

"Attractiveness shouldn't be a criterion in choosing a mate," Spencer quickly countered. "A Harvard study found that the more attractive people are, the shorter their relationships. In addition, the divorce rate is significantly higher for attractive people than for those who are average."

"I'm afraid with that, you've just given us the explanation for Morgan's fickle love life," Emily laughed. "Maybe we should put a warning sign on him: Beware, too attractive for a relationship."

Spencer's heart tightened. In fact, he hadn't connected the study to Morgan until now, but Emily could well be right.


	11. Chapter 11

Two hours later, Reid finally returned to his hotel room. The time with Prentiss and Rossi had been pleasant. Without Garcia and Morgan always egging everyone on, no one had tried to persuade him to drink this time. A pleasant change of pace. They had soon changed the subject, and Rossi had started talking out of the closet. He had told how the beginnings of BAU had been and how his first collaboration with Hotchner had gone. Many agents had come and gone, eventually creating the team they were today. Morgan joined the unit a good two years before Spencer, J.J. about a year before him. By that time, though, Rossi was looking at everything from the outside, engrossed in writing his bestsellers. But he had always kept a close eye on what was going on in "his" BAU.

Rossi couldn't tell too much about Derek's first assignments. "You'll have to ask him yourself," the older profiler had advised him, but immediately added: "But I can't promise you that he'll tell you everything truthfully. I've only heard that he also shot a few bucks in his first year. And was even more impulsive than we know him to be now. I think he got into some heated arguments with Hotch a few times."

Reid could imagine that all too well. Morgan still had a mind of his own and wasn't afraid to tell everyone what he thought. It didn't matter if it was a colleague or a supervisor. But that was also what Spencer liked about him. Morgan was honest and direct through and through. He didn't intentionally lead anyone up the garden path. Yes, admittedly, he had played many a prank on Spencer and had made fun of him a bit on one occasion or another - Spencer just had to think of the day he had flunked his shooting test - but he was never mean-spirited and could take a punch just as well as he could dish it out.

Quietly, Reid opened the door of the hotel room. The light was off; clearly Derek really was already asleep. On quiet soles Reid crept in. It was a good thing that the curtains were not closed. So he could see enough without turning on the light. Reid quietly opened his travel bag and took out his washing kit. He quickly disappeared into the bathroom with it.

Only when he had finished showering and hung up the wet towel did Spencer realize that he had forgotten something: his pajamas. They were still outside in the travel bag. For a moment, Spencer considered wrapping the wet towel around himself again. Then he quietly pushed open the bathroom door instead and stuck his head out. Yes, Derek was sound asleep. So he could dare to quickly run out naked and grab the pajamas. Quietly, he plodded across the room and opened the bag again. Why had he not packed the pajamas on top this time? He rummaged around until he finally found them. He had the same strange feeling he'd had that afternoon at the police station when Derek had stared at him. His back was getting warm. Was Derek awake?

Spencer quickly turned around, not realizing that if he was awake, Morgan would see more of him. Derek seemed to have his eyes closed, but he was breathing uneasily. Was he awake or just dreaming?

Only now did Spencer realize that he was standing there completely naked, staring at his colleague. He quickly disappeared back into the bathroom with his pajamas. His heart pounded violently as he leaned against the door. He almost wanted to bet that Derek was awake. And that he had been watching him. Why had he pretended to be asleep? So far, nothing had suggested that there was a voyeur in Derek.

Although the door definitely hid him from Derek's gaze now, Spencer felt like he was still under surveillance. He felt hot and cold at the same time. He felt as if Morgan had wanted to test whether he was up to his standards, and Spencer wasn't sure how that test had turned out.

Reid pushed himself away from the door and looked at himself in the mirror. His face might be reasonably attractive, but the rest of him? He felt that the whole proportions of his body didn't fit right. Everything was too long and too thin. Spencer ran his hand over his chest. He had seen Derek shirtless more than once. He seemed to be made up of a ton of muscle, not overtrained like some bodybuilders were, but pronounced enough that you could see exactly what strength was behind it.

And he himself? The best that could be said about him was that he was slim. There was not much muscle to be seen. For that, one could rather count the individual ribs. No, attractive was really something else.

Perhaps that was why Derek hadn't let on that he was awake: he simply hadn't seen anything worth noting.

Spencer slipped on his pajamas and considered saying something as he walked out into the room. But what was he supposed to say? Should he ask Derek if he had been watching him? Surely that would only inevitably bring up Spencer's own shortcomings. No, it was best to pretend he hadn't noticed anything.

Quietly, Reid opened the door again. He immediately noticed that Derek had turned away from him. He was right on the edge of the bed, as far away as he could somehow get from where Spencer was supposed to lie down. Spencer guessed that said it all.

Slowly, Spencer shuffled over to the bed and slipped in. Tomorrow he would do everything he could to move the case along as quickly as possible. All at once he longed for his apartment, for the solitude there, that at the same time brought peace of mind. Maybe it was time to put some distance between himself and Derek.


	12. Chapter 12

A soft beeping sound penetrated Reid's consciousness, but he tried to ignore it. He couldn't have been asleep that long; the bed was warm and soft. He had no desire to open his eyes now.

But a loud bang and an almost equally loud "Shit!" transported him to the present seconds later.

"Derek?" inquired Spencer, looking around. Where was Derek?

A groan came from the other side of the bed and Spencer crawled over. Looking down over the edge of the bed, he found Morgan tangled in his sheet on the floor.

"What are you doing down there?" inquired Spencer in confusion, rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"I'm trying to build a nest," Morgan grumbled sullenly as he finally managed to turn off the alarm on his phone. With some effort, he then shook off the covers.

"A nest?" Spencer didn't get what was going on.

"Yeah, because I'm sure I'll lay an egg if I have to spend another night next to you," came Morgan's gruff reply as he got to his feet. He turned his back on Spencer and headed toward the bathroom without further explanation.

"What ... what did ... what did I do?" stammered Spencer, both bewildered and hurt. But Derek already didn't hear more than the first words as he let the door fall into the lock behind him.

Spencer stared at the closed door, completely confused. What was going on in Derek's head? He couldn't think of anything that would make Morgan so mad at him that he wouldn't want to share the room with him anymore. He hadn't done anything. At least nothing he hadn't apologized for several times already.

Slowly, Spencer stood up. Maybe the apology just hadn't been enough after all. He would have to come up with something to make it all right. And until then, he would have to try to disturb Derek as little as possible.

After a few minutes, Derek came out of the bathroom without a word. He let his gaze wander over Spencer for a moment before he stated curtly, "I'm going to go get some breakfast."

Spencer ducked his head. Checked and failed, immediately came to mind. Quietly, he slipped into the bathroom. If only this day were already over. If only the case were solved. If he were finally back home.

But the day would bring some more unpleasant developments, and the team got its first taste of them at breakfast.

During the night, two more assassination attempts had been made on Atlanta High teachers. While the first, which had probably again taken place shortly after midnight and had been discovered barely half an hour ago, had been successful, the second victim had survived the assassination.

"Ramondo Parentes is in the hospital with a gunshot wound. He is not conscious yet, but doctors say he will make it. Some police officers are there to protect him," Hotch explained between bites into his toast. "Prentiss and Morgan, I want you guys there as soon as he wakes up. We need to find out what he saw. Maybe he even recognized the perpetrator."

Morgan nodded, and at that Spencer got the feeling that he was glad to have been given an assignment away from him.

"Dave, I want to look at both crime scenes myself. It would be good if you accompanied me," Hotchner continued. The Italian nodded curtly. "And Reid and J.J., you two go to the police station and try to find out a connection between the victims with the help of Garcia. Reid, maybe with the new dots, there will be some initial findings from the geographic profile as well."

Spencer swallowed his last bite and muttered, "I don't really think so. I had already told Morgan yesterday that I didn't think the murders had any geographic connection. But I'm looking into it all again, of course."

"The suspects Garcia singled out yesterday have been called in for questioning this morning," Aaron continued. "We're going to split up the interrogations so we can eliminate initial suspects as quickly as possible. You two," he turned back to Spencer and J.J., "can start the interrogations as soon as the first students or the two teachers arrive."

Breakfast was quickly over after this short briefing and the teams got into the black SUVs provided for them in a new division.

"You're so quiet today. Is something wrong?" inquired J.J. after the first few minutes of the drive to the police station had passed in complete silence.

Spencer didn't take his eyes off the road, but shrugged slightly. "I don't really know."

Jennifer waited a moment, but when Reid didn't say another word, she followed up. "Do you like to tell me what you're not so sure about? I'll listen to you no matter what it's about."

Spencer took a deep breath and exhaled. That Jennifer was a good listener, he knew well. How many times hadn't he cried to her? "It ... it's about Morgan."

"Oh!"

"I think ... I'm almost sure ... he knows."

"That you ..."

"Yes, that I'm in love with him," Spencer murmured.

Jennifer remained silent. Spencer knew she was now going over in her mind what the repercussions could be. He had confessed to her months ago that he loved Morgan. It had been after a particularly intense case. Derek had been shot. And though the injury wasn't life-threatening, Spencer nearly lost it with worry. Derek had to spend a week in the hospital, and he had been condemned to spend two more recovering at home. And in all that time, Spencer had only been able to visit him five times, three times at the hospital and twice at his home. It had so gnawed at him that he didn't know how Derek was doing by the hour, by the minute, by the second, there was no way J.J. could remain unaware of his restlessness. She had invited him to dinner, sent Will and Henry upstairs, and then questioned him tooth and nail until he finally confessed what was wrong with him.

"What makes you think he knows?" inquired Jennifer finally.

"He's been acting weird, staring at me and ... and this morning he was in a pretty bad mood and told me he didn't want to share the room with me another night. I didn't do anything to upset him like that. I really didn't. I'm telling you, he knows."

"Then maybe you should speak plainly to him," J.J. repeated advice she'd given Spencer many times before. But he, predictably, shook his head. "If I speak up, it will always be between us. If I don't say anything, he may eventually forget," he argued.

"But Spencer, your love for him and this ambiguity between you two, it's literally eating you up! It can't go on like this," Jennifer admonished.

"I know. Don't you think I've thought about how to tell him a zillion times? So that he doesn't smack me right in the face or turn his back on me and walk away?"

"Derek would never beat you up over that."

"You don't know the statistics," Reid promptly retorted. "Do you know how much violence there is against gay men just because a straight man thinks he's being hit on? And just thinking! And the many cases where a little flirting for a gay man ends up in the hospital."

Jennifer shook her head. "We're talking about Morgan here."

"That's right, we're talking about Morgan here. About the man who was abused by his mentor as a teenager," Spencer reminded her. "Are you still suggesting that wouldn't affect him in terms of relationships between men? That he couldn't develop prejudices there?"

"Maybe, if it were about anyone he didn't know. But never when it comes to you," Jareau insisted. "You know each other so well, are such close friends. I'm sure Morgan would understand you."

"Oh yes, and because we know each other so well, I know for a fact that I don't stand a chance anyway. And the way he's acting right now, I can guess what the rejection I'd get would be if I opened my mouth," Reid stood firm on his point. "It hurts that he's pushing me away. But I'm sure it would tear me up to hear from his mouth that I'm definitely not what he envisions as a partner."

"And then what are you going to do?" inquired Jennifer cautiously. "I ... I don't know. I just know that I can't take a chance that he'll cut me out of his life completely."


	13. Chapter 13

The day had started badly, and with each passing minute it got worse. Reid paced back and forth in the office, where he'd had lots of files brought in from students who'd become conspicuous. He had already read them all, which was an absolute feat even at the rate of 20,000 words per minute. And what had it brought him? Nothing!

He had tried to classify the files, to find characteristics that might point to a psychopath, to a murderer. He had tried to make connections between the students and individual teachers, but he had always ended up in a dead end. Hardly any students could be linked through the files to at least two of the murdered teachers, and students for whom all the victims were mentioned in the files didn't exist at all.

Frustrated, Reid ruffled through his hair.

"Hey, pretty boy, what's gotten into you?" inquired Morgan as he suddenly walked in the door. He stopped in the doorway - if only because he probably didn't know where to put his feet with all the piles of files on the floor, and held out a cup to Spencer.

But Spencer was too upset to really notice. "My approach is wrong, just wrong. And I don't see where I need to go. The geographic profile doesn't do anything. That's what I was saying. And those files: just paper. They don't help me either. I don't know anything more than Garcia already found out. And yet, there has to be a connection. There just has to be. Why can't I find it?" he babbled angrily, staring at the chaos in front of him.

He didn't realize that Morgan had actually entered the room now until a large coffee cup was thrust into his hand.

"Here, I think you're completely hypoglycemic," Morgan explained calmly as he did so.

Confused, Spencer looked up. "Oh, thanks," he mumbled, immediately taking a big sip of the coffee. That felt good. He hadn't realized he needed the coffee so much. And it was just as sweet as he liked it best.

"I thought you were mad at me," Spencer said quietly, his eyes focused on the cup and not on Morgan.

"Why is that?" came an immediate, astonished question back.

"I don't know exactly," Spencer confessed. "I've been thinking about it, but I don't know what I've done to upset you. I thought you said you weren't mad at me about the day before yesterday ..." Spencer broke off and now looked Derek searchingly in the eyes. But at the moment he could see nothing there: no anger, no disgust, no contempt. Nothing at all.

"You didn't upset me," Derek started, but Spencer interrupted him: "You don't want to share the room with me anymore. You don't say something like that for no reason."

"It has nothing to do with you," Derek returned after a moment's hesitation. "I slept badly and took my anger out on you. I'm sorry about that. Of course, I have no problem sharing the room with you."

Spencer didn't take his eyes off him. The answer was far too smooth to be true. He wasn't a profiler for nothing: He knew when he was being lied to. But on the other hand, Derek was clearly intent on making the unpleasant situation go away. Had he perhaps only been so shocked at first because of what he had discovered, and was he now trying to simply quickly forget Spencer's infatuation? Maybe that was the solution.

"Really?" inquired Spencer, not taking his eyes off Morgan.

"Really," Derek confirmed. "Now let's solve this case. Hotch wants us to check out the suspect students. Two of them are already waiting outside. And when we're through with that, you explain what you've been doing here. Maybe together we can find the right approach."


	14. Chapter 14

The entire team had the feeling of being at a dead end. The afternoon had turned into evening and still there was no trace of the unsub. Now Hotch had called the team together after the final interviews with the suspects Garcia had picked out.

" What's our status?" he inquired, though he already knew they were no further along than they had been that morning. But it was more about getting everyone on the team on the same page than reporting any real successes - or failures.

Emily was the first to speak, briefly summarizing what they had learned at the hospital that morning. She had been there two hours ago for another cognitive interview with Ramondo Parentes. But this had not brought any new results, but only supported what the teacher had already put on record before.

It had been more exciting with Rossi and Hotch. The two suspected teachers had also appeared at the police station that afternoon, and the two profilers had dealt intensively with the two men. While Parentes' description of the perpetrators had not matched the two teachers, everyone on the team knew how unreliable such memories could be, especially when they stemmed from a traumatic situation.

"Marc Yuguhashi is an interesting fellow," Rossi explained. "He's been teaching biology at Atlanta High for a year and has actually been rather low-key there so far. However, I strongly anticipate that colleagues at the local police department will keep a close eye on him in the future." Rossi elaborated that the teacher was by no means a clean slate criminally. At 18, he had been arrested in connection with a child pornography ring. The inconspicuous Asian had gained the trust of twelve- to fifteen-year-old girls, had pretended to them the great love and then had made them undress in front of his camera. He had then sold the photos and, in some cases, films via a relevant website. "The way I see it, he only got off with a fairly lenient juvenile sentence because his father must have been playing golf regularly with the judge in charge," Rossi grumbled. "The record was sealed after his prison sentence and Yuguhashi moved here to Atlanta to study, where he went on to become a teacher. He certainly wouldn't have gotten the job if someone knew his record. At the very least, colleagues here locally will now be on alert should there be any similar incidents involving Atlanta High students. However, we have to rule him out as the perpetrator of our murders. Also very piquant: Yuguhashi was in a brothel between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. on the night of the first murders - quite tied up, as private video recordings show. He actually volunteered to be filmed doing it."

"And you let something like that loose on kids today," Emily shook her head indignantly.

"We've also been able to rule out Frederick Hollander as the unsub," Hotch continued. "I can't say much about him personally, except to say that he's been in the witness protection program for five years. Therefore, there are no older records on him. He has been proven to have an alibi as well, because he was just on his way back from a convention that night about ..." Hotch flipped through his notes. "Well, about something to do with programming languages. Anyway, we checked the plane's passenger list, and he was definitely on board." 

Spencer shook his head in disappointment. "So nothing again." His own conversation with one of the suspicious students had turned up nothing either. While the latter didn't really have a provable alibi - he'd supposedly been asleep, but Reid didn't rule out the possibility that he could have sneaked off at night - there was nothing about the boy that even remotely suggested he might have had a motive for the murders. He had been slightly unsettled about the questioning, a little nervous, but once he realized it was about the teacher murders, he calmed down. Spencer suspected he had been up to something else, not a serious crime, but something he could be prosecuted for. When he realized that there was a completely different reason for the interrogation, he had been calm about it again. Reid would, however, tip off the high school principal. Perhaps the latter would find out what the boy had been up to.

"I know you guys are as frustrated as I am right now, but don't look at this as a failure right now," Hotch tried to cheer up his team. "We were able to eliminate some suspects today, after all."

"But if this keeps up at this pace, half the faculty at Atlanta High will soon be dead," Reid grumbled. "We need to speed up, get more done!"

Hotch looked at him with a mixture of admonishment and understanding. "Completely exhausting ourselves now and spending the night poring over files isn't going to get us anywhere. We'll call it a day. A few hours of sleep can work wonders and really kick-start the brain." A clear dig in the direction of Spencer, who all too often spent nights at the office and completely ignored the fact that he, too, needed sleep.

Hotch stood up and demonstratively shut his laptop. Then he shooed his team out of the meeting room. He would take his own advice today and not work a night shift.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you've already noticed: I love to dive deep into the minds of the characters from whose point of view I write. This chapter is no exception. And through Spencer's thoughts, this time you'll also learn a bit more about his past experiences in love matters.

Spencer knew he couldn't hide his unease as he once again sat next to Derek in the car during the drive back to the hotel. It was just as well that the latter attributed his condition at the moment entirely to the nerve-wracking case.

"Hotch is right, you know that yourself. If you get some rest now, every one of your 187 IQ points will be top-notch tomorrow morning. Then I'm sure we'll have a breakthrough," Derek said, as if he had just been able to hear part of Reid's thoughts.

"Yeah, I know," Spencer returned monosyllabically. At the moment, he felt he had to be extremely careful about what he said to Derek. He definitely didn't want to let him see any more of his emotional life than he was already aware of.

Derek didn't really seem to mind the silence. They arrived at the hotel a little later and this time retired to their room without any detour to the bar.

When the lights were finally turned off and Spencer was alone with his thoughts, he let them return to his conversation with Jennifer.

Again and again, she urged him to come clean with Morgan. But of course, in doing so, she couldn't promise him that Derek would return his feelings. He would prefer to do it the way he had seen his pubescent classmates do it as he was a child: they simply sent their best friend ahead to ask their crush if they wanted to go out with them. Why couldn't the world be as simple as it was in childhood? Not to mention that his childhood days definitely weren't easy either.

With his previous relationships, Spencer hadn't really had to be proactive to instigate them either. Patrick, Simon, Elizabeth, even Lila if you wanted to count her - each time the first initiative came from his partner. Spencer didn't even know how to make a first move.

Well, he had imagined it in his fantasy: romantic, cheesy, unreal, and always with a happy ending. But each time it was clear that he couldn't go through with it that way. And then there was that hint of a dream in which he had seduced Derek. Yes, that would probably be more the way to get to Derek. But he would never get up enough courage for that in his life.

\----

A loud scream jolted Spencer from his sleep. Where was he? What had happened?

It took a few seconds for Reid to really come to, realizing he was still in the Atlanta hotel room and that the bed next to him, from where he had clearly heard a scream just seconds ago, was empty.

"Derek?" called Spencer questioningly. Then he leaned over to the other side of the bed. Sure enough: there, for the second time, was indeed Derek lying around on the floor.

"Everything's okay," Morgan groaned as he sat up and rummaged around in the sheet he'd pulled to the floor with him.

"Do you want to maybe sleep on the other side of the bed so you don't keep falling out?" inquired Spencer sympathetically. "I've been there. When I was a little kid traveling with my mom and sleeping in various hotels, I used to fall out of bed too if it wasn't facing the right way or I slept on the wrong side."

Groaning, Derek buried his face in his hands. Was he embarrassed now? Yet Spencer could relate so well.

"Come on, I'll slide over," Spencer offered helpfully, and immediately followed up with action. "It doesn't matter to me now. I've slept in so many other people's beds that I've thoroughly gotten out of the habit of falling out."

Morgan slowly picked himself up off the floor and shuffled to the other side of the bed, the blanket wrapped tightly around him. But no sooner had he lain down than Spencer heard a distinct groan.

"Is something else wrong?" muttered Spencer.

"Just ... just my back," came hesitantly from Derek. "It's okay. Just go back to sleep."

Spencer wished that this could be done so easily. But with each passing second, he became more awake instead of sleepy. On top of that, Derek next to him didn't seem to be getting any rest either. He was breathing far too fast to have fallen asleep yet. And besides, Reid noticed a slight twitch from Morgan several times, as if he wanted to move and would suppress the urge at the last second.

Involuntarily, his thoughts returned to whether and how he could make a confession of love to Morgan. What would happen if he simply turned to Morgan right now and kissed him? Would he tolerate the kiss? Maybe even return it? Or would he push him off or even jump out of bed in disgust?

Perhaps he would be better off making an advance where there was also some sort of door open for Derek to avoid him, rather than here in their room where escape would be difficult.

Spencer thought back to the night at the club, the night before this case had run its course here. Derek had flirted with a few women at the club. It was just the place to make a pass. If the flirting partner didn't suit you, you simply moved from the bar to the dance floor or to a table and could do so without embarrassing either party.

But to do that, you would have to know how to flirt. Reid didn't like to admit to himself that he couldn't do something. Most of the time, not being able to do something meant a challenge for him to learn it. But when it came to flirting, that didn't really work. He'd even tried to learn from Garcia on the sly. Not that he'd asked her for advice, help or lessons, really. But he had listened intently to her conversations and phone calls with Morgan. Had even noted individual phrases he particularly liked. Only: These were phrases that really only ever worked between a man and a woman. Between two men that would sound more than strange. He couldn't imagine for the life of him that Morgan would like it if he suddenly called him a chocolate muffin or a sugar bear.

It always sounded so easy and natural when Morgan and Garcia flirted with each other. But to Spencer, that seemed like a task he wasn't equipped with the right tools to solve.

Then, of course, there was the way of expressing feelings through small gestures. But wouldn't Derek be more likely to think of a stalker if small gifts suddenly appeared on his desk, rather than an admirer? And how was he supposed to make it clear that it was a male admirer in this way? Leave a little note with his name on it? Derek would think that was a joke.

Flowers, then? But Spencer had no idea if Derek even liked flowers. And wasn't that something men tended to give to women anyway?

Asking for a date openly and honestly? Sure, that would probably be the most purposeful method, but Spencer still couldn't imagine a scenario where that would result in a positive outcome for him. In the best case scenario, Morgan would think that was a joke, too. In the silliest case, as he had expressed to Jareau, Spencer would face Morgan's anger and disgust in the form of a beating - with no way out or excuse.

And yet, more and more, Spencer felt the urge to confess his feelings to Derek. Only how?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After two somewhat shorter chapters, there is now another longer one. Our boys are still on the hunt and gradually they are getting closer to solving the case.  
> If I make good progress, there will be another chapter tonight. So stay tuned ;-)

The tension in the team was growing. The previous night had resulted in yet another victim. Although the pace of the series of murders had apparently been slowed down somewhat by the previous night's failure, each additional victim was one too many. There was one difference this time from the earlier murder victims, however: the teacher who had been shot had been retired for two years.

"That must mean it was an older student, one from the graduating classes," Reid mused aloud as he again sorted through the piles of files around him. Now that the previous afternoon had faded into the late evening with relatively no results, despite the lengthy conversations with the suspect students, Morgan had actually kept his word: He had agreed with Hotchner that he would work with Spencer, looking for clues in the files. Except that at the moment he was standing in the middle of the piles of files and apparently didn't quite know what to do.

It was clear to Spencer: digging through files was not one of Morgan's favorite pastimes. He preferred to be out on the street, interviewing witnesses or chasing suspects. That he had nevertheless kept his word and bunkered himself down here with Spencer therefore surprised the young genius all the more.

But apparently Derek was already growing impatient. "Give me a task, Reid. Let me know what we're looking for and I'll help you," he demanded.

Spencer looked to Derek. "I've been going through the files so far looking for any unusual aspects about the students and sorting them accordingly." He pointed to individual piles, "Vandalism, arguments with teachers, bullying, violence against classmates, theft, drug possession, dealing on school grounds. And then all the stuff that happened outside of school but somehow found its way into the files. For example, there's a carjacking, prostitution, multiple shopliftings and a burglary."

Derek shook his head. "And I thought the school actually was in a pretty good neighborhood. No gangs in the area, most of the students middle or upper class."

"I don't understand that at all. Why don't these students just want to learn?" mused Reid. "Drug possession, okay, that can still be explained. With the right stimulants, you're more efficient. And with marijuana, for example, you can tolerate stress better. Did you know that 19.8 percent of students in this country smoke pot regularly? And that almost one-fifth of all students have bought or sold drugs on school grounds? And then add to that the abuse of medications. That also affects eleven percent of all students. And let's not even talk about other drugs, especially alcohol. Just imagine: 13.5 percent of all students get drunk on a regular basis. Do they even know what they're doing to their bodies?" Reid had really talked himself into a frenzy.

"Hey, Spencer, calm down!" said Derek, taking advantage of a brief pause for Spencer's breath. "Are you saying that our unsub might be a drug addict?"

Spencer bristled and blinked rapidly. "Oh sorry, um ... no. Well ... I ... guess the horses got away with me again." He brushed back a strand that had fallen into his face, and scowled at the files. "How do you end up hustling when you're just 16 years old and you actually come from a good home?" he asked, lost in thought, as he eyed a file with a blue Post-it on it and then placed it in another pile.

There were things Spencer would just never understand. So many teenagers ended up on the wrong track, even though they had the best conditions in their lives to make something of themselves: good parents, financial security, a safe social environment. And yet they broke out of this security.

Prostitution. Spencer shook his head. As a teenager, he could never have imagined sleeping with someone he didn't love. So where did this boy get the idea to sell his body just like that?

He himself had certainly not had it easy as a child and teenager. Far too early he had had to care not only for himself, but also for his mother. But he certainly knew that there were things he would never have done, no matter how great the need or temptation.

Involuntarily, he had to think of Morgan, whose youth had looked so very different. He had certainly not been a saint. But he didn't deserve what Carl Buford had done to him. How could there be boys who sold themselves when, on the other hand, there were boys like Derek who were sexually abused?

"There are many reasons why students can go off the rails," Derek snapped Spencer out of his thoughts. "It starts with the wrong friends. And parents, no matter how caring, often can't do anything about that. There are a lot of factors at play."

Reid just sighed and continued to stare at the files. "No matter what who did, I can't infer a perpetrator from all these offenses. I don't even know if our perpetrator has any kind of negative record on his school record yet. Maybe he's never been noticed before. That would be unlikely, but not out of the question."

"Then let's come up with another approach," Morgan said encouragingly. "We'll assume it's a student with a driver's license. Our last victim also leads us in the direction that the perpetrator is at least a junior, if not a senior. Otherwise, he wouldn't have run into the teacher again."

"That still leaves half the school. We need more criteria," Spencer mused. "And we probably really need to go back to the complete data set, consider all students, regardless of how positive or negative the entries are in their school records."

"Still, it would have to be a perpetrator who somehow has contact with shady people, otherwise how would he get an unregistered gun. And we can probably also assume that he didn't just start having access to firearms yesterday. You have to know how to handle a .45. Otherwise, you're more likely to break your thumb than fatally shoot someone," Derek concluded.

Spencer continued to stare at the piles of files while Derek reached for his cell phone to ask Garcia for help with the data search.

A thought flashed through Spencer's mind, and in the next moment he wondered if he'd been sitting on the much-talked-about junction box for days.

"Oh no," he sighed, stopping Morgan from making his call. "I think our night with the whiskey cost me a lot of IQ points. Why didn't I think of that before?"

"On what?" inquired Morgan immediately.

"Surely the connection to the perpetrator must be through the teachers. I told you from the beginning that I didn't think the geographic location of the teachers' homes had any significance to our perpetrator. It certainly didn't. I assume he has a list of who he thinks is a sitting duck. We need to filter out the students who have connections to all the victims, whether they were in their classes-or even when-whether one of the teachers was assigned to them as a guidance counselor, as a volunteer project leader, or whether there were any other contacts. Even recess supervision in certain areas of the school may be relevant."

Spencer stepped up to the flip chart, pulled down his old notes, and began jotting down all the bullet points he had just rattled off. Then he drew a few circles until he had a sort of quantity chart in front of him. "This," he exclaimed, jamming the thick felt-tip pen into the intersection, "is our unsub. This is our culprit."

"Great, can you write the name for us while you're at it," Derek inquired dryly

"What?" asked Reid, puzzled. How was he supposed to know the name now?

"That's all right, pretty boy. Give your IQ points a rest again," grinned Derek there. "I'll put Garcia on it. I'm sure our computer oracle can help us run all these parameters as filters over the entire student body."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is finally a profile! In other words, the team is taking a good step forward in the case.  
> This is gradually necessary, because after all, more than half of the story is already behind us ;-)

"We have a profile of the unsub," Aaron Hotchner told the assembled Atlanta Police Department team late this afternoon, "but because of the unique situation and the huge public interest, it's important to us that we keep it under wraps as long as possible. The potential behavior of the perpetrator if he feels cornered is still difficult for us to assess. We absolutely want to prevent him from trying to kill as many teachers as possible, as quickly as possible, in some kind of final blow."

Hotch looked seriously around the room, then nodded to Reid, who was to present the initial findings.

"Our unsub is male, light-skinned, approximately between 5'7" and 5'7" tall, and between 16 and 20 years old. We believe he is an Atlanta High School student who may not have been noticed before. He feels he has been treated unfairly, perhaps oppressed or bullied by a number of teachers. He probably has a rather small circle of friends, has nowhere to vent his frustrations about teacher treatment, and feels that he alone has such problems with the teaching staff. He therefore also distances himself, unconsciously ensuring that he will not encounter anyone who has had similar experiences."

"Interviewing the principal and teachers revealed that our perpetrator's feelings are probably extremely subjective. The teachers could not name any students who have had major problems with all the teachers killed so far," Rossi continued. "Nor is there any student at the school at this time that the faculty would have agreed was an intolerable troublemaker or even a danger to the teachers and students. To that extent, a lot of the negative relationships between the teachers and the perpetrator probably play out exclusively in the perpetrator's mind."

Now Morgan took the floor, "Our unsub used an unregistered .45 revolver for the murders. On the one hand, this shows us that he must have contacts to obtain such a weapon, but on the other hand, it also shows us that he has probably been handling weapons for some time. A .45 caliber is usually not the choice of a perpetrator who has never shot before, let alone that such a person could then also hit so unerringly with it. So we're looking for a boy whose parents or other relatives are likely to own guns or who is likely to be registered at a gun club or range."

"Our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia, is currently working to filter out from all the student files those who fit our unsub profile," J.J. joined in. "We anticipate that we will be able to convene initial suspects for questioning this evening. Since we are dealing with a narrow possible perpetrator group and, as I said, we must prevent a possible rampage at all costs, it is important that all these people are summoned as witnesses without fail, but not as suspects. The perpetrator must not get the idea that we are already close on his trail."

"Why are you so sure that the perpetrator is a male student?" inquired one of the police officers present. "On the one hand, this is suggested by the description of the unsub by Ramondo Parentes, that is the victim who survived the shooting. He was sure that it was a man. On the other hand, we were already able to rule out without a doubt all the teachers at the school who would have had a motive as the unsub," Morgan answered the question.

"And isn't it possible that the perpetrator came from outside the school?" another inquired. "That's highly unlikely," Prentiss returned. The teachers who were killed live in different parts of town, have different circles of friends and acquaintances, and overall have little beyond the school to connect them all. With two or three victims, a perpetrator outside the school would still be within the realm of possibility, but with now a total of six, it's more than unrealistic."

"We thank you for your attention. Once we have identified the new group of suspects by name based on the profile, we will also try to identify the next potential victims based on that. Your assistance will then be needed to provide police protection to these individuals," Hotch concluded.

With that, he turned to his team. "Well done, we are now a huge step ahead with this," he declared, nodding to Spencer in particular.

But even though Reid knew the praise was meant for him, he couldn't deny a certain unease. This "huge step" Hotchner was talking about wasn't taking them far enough yet. And was it really the right direction?

"Why is it that, despite everything, I still feel like I'm overlooking something?" muttered Spencer half to himself.

"What are you thinking about?" inquired Derek, standing next to him.

"Something still doesn't fit, but I just can't figure it out," Spencer replied, looking at him thoughtfully. All at once he felt not only that he was on the wrong track with the case, but that he was misinterpreting something about Morgan's behavior. Something was still wrong between them, but maybe it wasn't that Morgan had discovered his feelings - or that he didn't know how to deal with them. Was it perhaps himself? Was he acting strangely and Derek reacted accordingly because of it? Or was Morgan expecting something from him, and he just couldn't figure out what it was? He would have to think about this "interpersonal case" too. Urgently.

Spencer realized all at once that he was staring at Derek. And what's more, Derek was staring back, transfixed.

"Morgan?" he asked, confused. But Derek didn't respond at all.

"Is everything okay, Morgan?" inquired Spencer, furrowing his brow. "Did a thought cross your mind?"

"Sorry, everything's okay," Derek replied hesitantly. "I was just wondering if I could think of anything where you might be wrong. But what can I say? I can't think of anything. You're our genius after all."

Derek grinned and patted Spencer on the shoulder before leaving him and reaching for his cell phone to call Garcia. Spencer looked after him thoughtfully. What could Derek have just been thinking about? That the case had been on his mind seemed unlikely.

"Don't you think Morgan's acting weird right now?" muttered Reid as Emily stepped up beside him. Together they watched Derek disappear into the briefing room. "I think he's got a little problem with his love life," Emily escaped before she could stop herself.

Spencer was struck by lightning. But before he could ask Emily what exactly she meant by that, she had already left the room and engaged Rossi in conversation outside the door.

Morgan had a problem with his love life? Was it possibly not even him, Spencer, who was the cause of this discord between them? Was there simply someone else, someone Derek loved, who was currently upsetting his emotional life?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spencer and alcohol - these two meet again in the following chapter, and with unexpected consequences. Derek will literally experience the disinhibiting effect of alcohol on his own body ;-)  
> I'm looking forward to your comments on how you like this rather long chapter.

Derek had received a first interim result of her research from Garcia: ten new suspects. And even though Penelope was far from finished with her analysis, something could be done with this first partial result.

But a few hours later, it became clear that the team had reached its limits. The youngsters could not be called to the station as witnesses in the middle of the night. The father of the last boy, whom Rossi and Hotch wanted to interview at home shortly after 8 p.m., had more or less slammed the door in their faces and announced that he would get his lawyer involved immediately. Suspicious, but from the parents' point of view also understandable when the FBI suddenly showed up at the door in the evening.

That was why Aaron had now declared the day over after all.

Reid's only consolation at the moment was that he and J.J. had managed to work out some teachers who could be their next potential victims on the basis of these new suspects. Police teams had been immediately quartered at the homes of these teachers to ensure their protection during the night. With any luck, the perpetrator would try his luck with one of these teachers and might even get caught by the cops.

In his mind, Spencer went back over the student files he had last read as he got out of the SUV in front of the hotel. He would have been too happy to stay in the office. But once again, Hotch had insisted that everyone make their way to the hotel.

"Hey Reid, how about a nightcap today?", Morgan snapped him out of his musings as they both followed Rossi and Hotch, who had arrived just seconds before them. "My head's fine now, and we should toast our breakthrough."

But before Spencer could reply that he wasn't in the mood for celebrations for a long time, Jennifer interjected, "Did I just hear something about a nightcap. I'd be there tonight, too. My men are at an overnight party. Consequently, I'm relieved of any obligation for phone calls and bedtime storytelling."

At this, she not only looked at Derek, but also glanced promptly in Spencer's direction. He could guess all too well that she wanted him to jump at the chance to spend more time with Derek and perhaps - if not come clean - flirt with him and get a little closer. In the opinion of most females, and J.J. was no exception, a visit to a bar was an excellent way to flirt. After all, she had already suggested such ventures more often.

"I don't know," Reid muttered nonetheless. "I think it's premature to toast the case now, before we've caught the culprit."

"Hey, pretty boy, don't take it so hard," Derek countered, putting a buddy-like arm over his shoulder. "We're getting somewhere, and we should reward ourselves for our efforts today. Besides, it wouldn't be half as much fun if you weren't there. Who else was going to tell me how much mineral water to take with each sip of alcohol so I wouldn't have another hangover tomorrow?"

Spencer looked at Morgan in surprise: Now Derek wanted him to come along? Yet it hadn't been that long ago that he didn't even want to share a hotel room with him. What had changed in the meantime that Derek now sought his presence so specifically?

"Like that worked so well last time," Emily giggled at Derek's words. "But you're right: Spencer, you just have to come with us. Even if it's just so we ladies aren't alone at the table once Morgan starts flirting with the other female hotel guests."

Emily's words had the effect of an ice-cold shower on Spencer. Of course, any bar was Morgan's natural hunting ground. How could he so completely block out the fact that it would be no different here? And most of the ladies present would surely have a room here at the house. How convenient: no driving halfway across town, neutral territory, and an equally short walk back to his own bed. It would be a miracle if Derek let this chance for a non-committal night with some beauty go to waste.

Spencer sighed inwardly: just once he'd like to be that beauty. But he was definitely too much of a man for that, first and foremost.

"I really don't think...," Reid put in, trying to somehow wriggle out of their evening together. He didn't need to also watch Derek give any random woman what he so ardently desired.

But J.J. interrupted him immediately: "You're not going to turn me down now. How many times have I had the opportunity to celebrate with you. Please, you just have to be there."

Spencer made the mistake of looking at J.J. as he tried to respond. His retort that there was definitely better company to celebrate with just stuck in his throat. On the one hand, J.J.'s look really expressed that she wished he was there. And on the other hand, there was so much more in it. 'Don't let this chance go by. Show him how nice it is to spend time with you. Don't give him a chance to seek company elsewhere. Take a step towards him. Flirt with him.' He read all that in Jennifer's eyes. And he knew full well that a big 'coward' would appear there the moment he declined.

"Okay," he conceded meekly. "But only for a short time."

So it was that the four of them found themselves in the hotel bar only half an hour later. Hotch had declined the invitation to join them, as he often did. And Rossi had surprisingly explained that he had a date at a nearby jazz bar.

"Ladies night, how appropriate," Emily exclaimed as she read a sign at the bar's entrance. "Half-price cocktails and live music to dance to, just what I need right now."

"I think I'm in the wrong place after all," Spencer declared hesitantly, ducking his head and immediately trying to make his way back. After all, that meant the women would be lining up in front of Derek for half the night again. Whether or not J.J. declared him a coward now, he really didn't need to see that.

But quite obviously his protest seemed to fall on deaf ears with Prentiss and Jareau. The two women simply hooked up with him left and right, making it almost impossible for him to escape. And Morgan? He just laughed.

"Don't worry about the ladies, Reid!" declared Derek with a grin. "If push comes to shove, pretty boy, I'll take them all off your hands. After all, we know the young gals dig your pretty face and will not only throw themselves at your feet, but even at you. But I'll defend your innocence no matter what."

Reid involuntarily blushed. Why did Morgan always have to be so mean. He knew full well that he was a bit awkward in love matters. Spencer realized that Morgan was alluding to his experience with Lila, who had surprisingly seen something in him. It had probably been simply because he was the only agent close in age to her - and because she had met him before Derek. Had Morgan been her first contact with the FBI, Spencer was almost certain that Derek wouldn't have thought twice about jumping into the pool with her - and without swimming trunks.

Without reply and with his head down, Spencer let his two colleagues pull him into the bar and to one of the tables that were grouped around a small dance floor today. In a corner next to the bar, a three-piece combo had been accommodated, playing chilly lounge music for the moment.

Only fleetingly did Reid notice that Emily didn't linger long at her table and then immediately walked toward the bar. "To warm up and enjoy," she explained as she returned a short time later with a small tray, first placing a shot in front of everyone and then also packing four glasses of gin and tonic onto the table.

Reid eyed the glasses suspiciously. This was not a good idea. His last blackout was only a few days ago. He truly didn't need a repeat performance now, when Derek - or his other colleagues, for that matter - could detect his vulnerability far too easily. But as if he could guess his train of thought - or probably just read part of it off his face - Derek suddenly murmured to him, "You can handle that bit. And your bed isn't far. I'll make sure you end up safe in it."

A shiver ran down Spencer's spine. If he didn't know who was talking to him, he would have categorized Derek's words as flirting. Or even a direct come-on. Because it almost sounded as if Derek wanted to get under the covers with him.

Now he actually needed the booze. Spencer reached for the shot and downed it in one gulp, which earned him plenty of astonished looks from his colleagues, but at least for the moment kept Morgan from making any more whispered comments in which he was clearly getting too close.

A few glasses of gin and tonic later, Spencer didn't really know why he drank alcohol so rarely. Actually, the feeling was quite good. The worries disappeared, everyone was funny, and he himself became braver as a result. A little slower than usual, his brain informed him that without alcohol, he was actually keeping the people around him at a distance. Not only emotionally, but especially physically. But after he'd started cuddling up to J.J. first, whom he'd confided his inner life to anyway, the step of seeking Morgan's closeness hadn't been so hard for him. And J.J. had always given him an unobtrusive nudge when he hung on her too long.

Of course, he'd already hugged Derek once or twice. That happened throughout the team every once in a while, when they'd gotten through a particularly dangerous or grueling case. But those had been brief moments.

Now things looked very different. Spencer leaned comfortably against Morgan's side and put his arm over his shoulders. How strong Derek was. He could hold him quite easily, even though they were actually the same height. And those strong shoulders, just a dream.

Spencer chuckled. He didn't really know why. The others were laughing and it was contagious. What they had said, he had completely tuned out at the moment.

If Derek didn't like him at least a little bit, then he would have gotten rid of him by now, right? Wouldn't he?

Spencer traced small circles on Derek's shoulder with one finger and felt Morgen flinch briefly. But otherwise the other man didn't move, continuing unperturbed what he must have just said to Emily.

Spencer glanced up slightly at Derek from below, where he had rested his chin on Derek's shoulder, when he was suddenly addressed. "Don't you think you should finish the evening now? I think you've had enough to drink, too."

Go to bed? Not just yet, after all. He was feeling so puddly right now. "A little more," Spencer whispered in Derek's ear, just as he had seen the dark-skinned man do many a time with one of his conquests. "It's so funny right now."

Maybe flirting and hitting on weren't so difficult after all. He had just always looked for the wrong examples so far. Instead of paying attention to what Garcia said or did, all he really had to do was use Derek himself as an example. And he wasn't shy, reserved or timid, but always brash when he wanted something. Spencer had to chuckle again. He could do that, too, couldn't he?

Slowly, Spencer released his hand and let it slide over Derek's shoulder blade, to his back and waist.

He noticed that he was getting Derek's undivided attention not only when the older man noticeably tensed his muscles under his light touch. But Spencer had by no means reached his goal. He slowly inched his way down even further. Morgan's butt always looked so tempting. He finally wanted to know what it felt like, too.

"Spencer, that's enough," Derek hissed in his ear when he realized what Spencer was planning. But Spencer didn't let that stop him. Derek always got what he wanted, too, after all. And the fact that a flirtatious no could turn into an emphatic yes seconds later was something Spencer had seen more often in watching Derek and his ladies.

A grin played across Spencer's lips as he nearly achieved his goal. Derek's waistband blocked his way, but this obstacle was not difficult to overcome. On the spur of the moment, Spencer tugged Derek's shirt out of his pants a bit and slipped his hand under Derek's waistband.

In the next moment, however, Derek shook Spencer off. "I ... I have to go out," Morgan groaned, not looking at Spencer. And already he was running away in a hurry toward the restrooms.

Spencer looked after him, rather confused. Was that a real no?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel a little sorry for Spencer, because he's in pretty bad shape right now. It's a good thing that Derek always jumps over his shadow in such moments and rushes to the rescue. ;-)
> 
> A music tip from my dear reader winblack: The song 'Heather' by Conan Gray goes very well with this chapter.

"What's going on with Morgan?", Emily wanted to know after her colleague ran off as if stung by a tarantula. "What did he say to you?"

Spencer looked from the door Derek had just walked out of to Prentiss. "That’s enough."

"What?"

"He said that’s enough," Spencer muttered.

Emily shook her head. Reid had clearly had way too much to drink already. Whatever Derek had said to him, Spencer hadn't really seemed to catch it.

J.J. looked at Reid and had to restrain herself from hugging him and comforting him in front of everyone. It had not escaped her notice that Spencer, in his somewhat awkward way, had tried to flirt with Derek. She hadn't expected Derek to suddenly give him the cold shoulder. And there she had thought that the evening had started so well.

She tried to get the conversation with Emily going again and to include Spencer in it. But Spencer couldn't really focus on what the two women were saying. He let his eyes wander around the room and kept returning to the door to the restrooms. Maybe he had just surprised Derek a little? Or Derek had eaten something wrong and now he wasn't feeling well? Should he go check on him?

Spencer tried to push himself off the table he was leaning against a bit and stand up straight, but he was visibly having a hard time. He wondered if he could make it out on his own. After all, it would be too embarrassing if he fell over on the way to the bathroom.

Spencer looked down at his feet and tried to lift them in turn. Standing worked. Walking? Was another matter entirely.

But he was snapped out of his musings when he saw Derek return to the bar. But instead of returning to the table they shared, he turned resolutely toward the dance floor, a beaming smile on his face for all the women dancing there.

Spencer knew - even though the alcohol was clouding his brain - that it was jealousy cramping in his stomach and tightening his throat as he watched Derek sidle his way to the center of the dance floor with sexy moves, catching the eyes of nearly every woman who was there. He almost wished he had the courage to drag Derek off the dance floor and make it clear to each of these women that Derek was his. Except that just wasn't true.

Spencer noticed that Derek briefly looked around at him - or J.J. and Emily, for that matter - but then turned his back on them. Yes, Spencer thought to himself, that definitely meant me.

And yet he couldn't take his eyes off Derek. A pretty little blonde was dancing right in front of him, and it seemed to Spencer that she had just approached him. Two songs later, the original distance between the woman and Derek was nonexistent: her hands were on his shoulders and Derek's hands were around her waist. And still Spencer couldn't take his eyes off her. This was supposed to be him. Why couldn't that be him in Morgan's arms? He had been brave, after all. Why hadn't that been rewarded?

The blonde spun around in Derek's arms, forcing him to spin around a bit as well. Spencer immediately recognized what was reflected on Derek's face: undisguised lust. And there wasn't much missing in Spencer's eyes before the two had sex right there on the dance floor. The blonde pressed close to Morgan and he had one hand on her hip and the other just below her breasts. His head was bent down toward her. He whispered something, then kissed her neck.

For a brief moment Derek looked up and Spencer's gaze met his.

He would get into bed with her, Spencer knew for sure at that moment. And he couldn't bear the spectacle before his eyes a second longer.

Spencer closed his eyes, gathered all his strength, pushed away from the table and stumbled unsteadily, but as fast as he could, towards the exit.

Reid had to concentrate extremely hard to get halfway straight through the lobby to the elevators. The door in front of him opened, spitting out another hotel guest and immediately offering Reid the opportunity to escape upstairs.

Two minutes and a brief struggle with the key later, he finally found himself in the room. His bed, all he wanted to do was get into his bed and hide from the world. If he made himself really small, maybe no one would even notice him. Maybe then he could just somehow disappear from this world.

Spencer curled up as tightly as he could on the bed and hid his head under his arms. As a child, that had worked. If he couldn't see anyone, then the world around him couldn't see him either. Not that anyone would even show up in the hotel room tonight to see him. The earliest Derek would show up here was when he needed a shower and some fresh clothes.

I'm getting out of here. I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore, Spencer thought. Just a few more hours of sleep and he would pack his things and just leave. The team had a profile and leads to work with. He wasn't needed anymore. He wasn't needed anyway. What he was doing could be done just as well by Garcia's computers. He would leave the BAU - before it eventually pushed him away.

Spencer didn't notice the door to the room open, revealing Morgan in the glow of light from the hallway. "Spencer?"

Spencer also didn't notice that the door closed again and the room was once again plunged into darkness.

"Hey, Spencer! You can't sleep like that," Derek said as he stepped up to the bed. And this time Reid was aware of his voice. Don't move, don't look. He would disappear again anyway.

"Spencer?" Reid could see between his arms that Morgan was down on his knees beside his bed. And the next moment, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Don't move, don't move. This was as well as imagination, just a dream.

"Come on, this isn't comfortable," Derek said softly. "You can sleep much better in your pajamas, and under the covers is better than on top, too."

Spencer couldn't hold back a soft sniffle. If only Derek sounded so caring and ... and loving, even outside of his dreams.

"I'm going to take your shoes off first, okay?", Spencer hears Morgan's voice again. But it wasn't until he felt hands on his feet, untying and removing his shoes that he could slowly believe Derek was really there.

"There, now up so you can get out of those clothes," Derek prompted Spencer. "Where are your pajamas?" Spencer still didn't move. He heard a rustle, the zipper of his duffel bag.

"Hey, you're still lying down," Derek said just before Spencer felt his fingers on his wrist. Derek pulled his arms away from in front of his face and gently pulled Spencer into an upright position so he came to sit on the edge of the bed. But Spencer couldn't bring himself to lift his head and look up at Derek. Not even when he loosened his tie knot and pulled his tie over his head. And neither could he when Derek shoved his pajamas into his hands.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," Morgan muttered, and then promptly ducked into the bathroom next door.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spencer still has to suffer a little bit, but Derek is already there and makes sure that our boy wonder will feel better soon ;-)
> 
> A music tip from my dear reader winblack: The song "Be There" by Seafret fits very well to this chapter.

Derek was there. But why? Where was his date? Or had so much time passed that Morgan had already stolen out of the blonde's bed to return to his own?

Spencer couldn't think straight. He couldn't do anything. He just stared down at his hands and at the pajamas Derek had pressed into his hands.

H wondered if Morgan thought those were ridiculous or childish. There were umpteen little stars scattered on the midnight blue background and little models of the USS Enterprise in between. He had bought the pajamas at a convention he had attended. Little had he thought that they were hardly sexy, but made him look even more like a nerd. But he was a nerd, after all. He couldn't hide that even if he wanted to.

And nerds stayed alone. Probably nature had already set it up that way. Nerds simply shouldn't reproduce unhindered. Where would the world go if there were more people like him? People who didn't know how to treat others, who had nothing about them that made them lovable or desirable except maybe their oversized brains.

Somewhat, Spencer was aware that he was letting wave after wave of self-pity wash over him. But he had been fighting that feeling for so long that he had no strength left now.

"Come on, Spencer, let me help you," Reid suddenly became aware of Derek's voice directly in front of him.

Yes, help me, he was about to say, but he couldn't get a sound out.

Morgan was obviously not a figment of his imagination, for into Spencer's field of vision suddenly came two dark hands tampering with the buttons of his shirt. It didn't take long before first the shirt was pushed off his shoulders and then the undershirt was pulled over his head as well.

Spencer let it all happen to him, just feeling the hands moving his arms as they were needed - and then pulling the top of the pajamas on him.

A brief pause followed, but then Morgan's hands returned to him and made a beeline for his waistband. Spencer remained motionless. A short time later, Derek had removed his pants. Again, a brief pause. Then Spencer felt hands on his shoulders. He was pushed back onto the mattress, tucked in, and finally neatly covered.

Then Spencer only heard Morgan pacing back and forth in the room until, after some time, something moved on the other side of the bed. But Spencer couldn't bring himself to look over. He stared unblinkingly toward the ceiling. How could it be that he was in the same room with someone, even in the same bed, and yet he was so lonely.

The only people who were really close to him, apart from his mother, were his colleagues. Everyone who had meant something to him outside of that structure had left him at some point. And Spencer was certain that if he left the BAU, the team would replace and forget him in no time.

"Close your eyes. You need to sleep," Derek's voice sounded softly from the other side of the bed. "I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow."

Spencer didn't respond.

"Hey, what's wrong with you? Are you nauseous?" inquired Derek hesitantly, lightly touching Spencer's shoulder.

Spencer felt warmth emanating from that spot - and could already guess how cold it would feel when Derek withdrew his hand again. And as if that light touch might cause him to collapse completely, he now couldn't suppress a sniffle and a shiver.

"I ... I'm always alone," the Spencer murmured softly.

"That ... that's not true at all, Spencer," Derek immediately returned. "You have your mother, you have J.J. who loves you like a sister, you have our whole team by your side. And you have me. I promise you, I'll never leave you alone. You're the best thing in my life after all."

Oh, how Spencer wanted to believe that - and how hard he found it. "My father left me, Gideon is gone, Maeve was taken from me. They all disappear eventually." You will disappear, Spencer thought to himself, but didn't add it.

Derek was silent, and for a moment Spencer thought the older man didn't know an answer, so he simply declared the conversation over. But then Spencer heard a rustling sound, and finally Derek quietly but firmly demanded, "Come here!"

Spencer didn't know what to do with that, not daring to ask, not even looking over at Derek. But he didn't have to wait long before Derek took action on his part.

Morgan slid to the middle of the bed and simply pulled Spencer into his arms. "As long as it's in my hands, I'll always be there for you," he declared.

Spencer tried to squirm out of his arms, but Derek wouldn't let him. "I won't let you go," he murmured as Spencer finally lay in his arms with his back pressed against Derek's chest. "I'm here now, I'll be here tomorrow, and any other day you want me near you. Now go to sleep. You're not alone today and you won't be tomorrow."

He wasn't alone. Spencer could feel that with every fiber of his body at the moment, and yet it took a few moments for what he was feeling to really penetrate his consciousness. Derek was holding him, not wanting to let him go, had promised to always stay with him.

Spencer didn't want to think about whether that promise might not hold true tomorrow. Right now, he actually felt a tiny bit loved, and he wanted to hold on to that for tonight. And maybe rethink his plan to just disappear tomorrow, too.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I would like to thank you very much for the new kudos. I'm happy about every single reader who likes my story, and of course especially about those who show me that with kudos and comments ;-)

Warmth, contentment, security - that's what Spencer felt as he slowly came to. He felt good all around, a feeling he rarely knew when he woke up. Somewhat disoriented, Spencer opened his eyes and blinked around in the dark. He was in the hotel room he currently occupied with Morgan, but he couldn't remember going to bed at all right now.

While Spencer pondered when that might have even been, he realized something else: the comforter was surprisingly heavy today, pressing him down on the mattress tighter than a comforter should be able to do. As Spencer tried to push the comforter aside, he quickly realized that the strange feeling wasn't coming from the bedding - but from the arm that was holding him down, blanket and all.

Spencer wrenched his eyes open in shock and looked cautiously behind him. There lay Derek, pressed tightly against him and clutching him with one arm.

What have I done, Spencer thought. Somehow he must have gotten close to Derek during the night, because he was clearly on Morgan's side of the bed. And the latter had probably mistaken him for one of his girlfriends in his sleep and hugged him.

How was he going to explain this to Morgan when he woke up?

Spencer also realized that this could be quite embarrassing when he suddenly felt something on his butt. The sleeping Morgan definitely had to think he was one of his conquests, if something was stirring in him. And if he woke up now, he would just as certainly blame Spencer for this mix-up.

Spencer was realizing he had to escape this situation as soon as possible without waking Morgan.

However, that wasn't so easy. Morgan held him tightly and Spencer didn't want to just jerk free from his arms. So it took him a good five minutes to finally wriggle out of Derek's embrace.

Thoughtfully, Spencer then looked down at the bed. It would be too good if there could be a morning when he could wake up like this in Morgan's arms and know that he wanted him right there too.

Reid shook his head. Nothing but wishful thinking. He sneaked over to his travel bag, dug out some fresh clothes, and disappeared into the bathroom with them. There, he first turned on the faucet and ran ice-cold water over his face. He urgently needed to find out what had happened the previous evening. It was a bit disconcerting that he had clearly gone to bed with only half of his pajamas on: the pants had been on top of his travel bag.

The cold water perked Spencer up a bit. When they had returned to the hotel, his colleagues had persuaded him to go to the bar with them. That's what he had done. And there was alcohol there. As he could now figure, he had certainly had too much to drink. He could still remember one shot and two glasses of gin and tonic, but after that everything became extremely hazy. And where his memory of returning to the hotel room should sit was a big black hole.

Damn it, Spencer cursed to himself. Now it had happened to him for the second time in a week that he had gotten drunk. This was starting to become an extremely bad habit. He could only hope that Derek was also not sober when he left the bar, and that he now remembered as little as Spencer did. Otherwise, he might yet discover that Spencer's memory left him completely after a little alcohol.

Only, Spencer suspected that it had been Morgan who had carried him off to bed. That would explain half the pajamas. It was, the profiler in him concluded, quite possible to put on or take off a top for someone when they were not conscious. Putting on pants, however, was quite a different matter. He had also found a glass of water and his pain pills on his bedside table. Knowing he wasn't going to get a hangover, there was a good chance someone else - Derek - had placed them there.

Reid turned on the water in the shower, this time at a pleasantly warm temperature. Maybe if he relaxed a little, the memory would return after all.

But all the relaxation under the warm stream of water didn't help. When Reid checked his reflection in the mirror a little later, dressed and reasonably neatly combed, he still knew no more than he had before. So he had no choice but to face what Derek would tell him with his half-knowledge.

Spencer took one deep breath, then opened the bathroom door and stepped out. "Good morning, Derek," he greeted his colleague as calmly as he could. "I hope I didn't take too long?"

"No, it's fine," Derek assured him, and Spencer immediately felt his insistent probing gaze on him. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah, thanks," Spencer quickly assured him. "Thanks for putting those pills down for me. You didn't have to. I do get headaches more often, but surprisingly never from alcohol."

"That's most gratifying," Derek murmured. Spencer was beginning to think he was off the hook, but then Morgan followed up, "Maybe we should still talk about yesterday later. Don't you think? I'm just going to freshen up."

"About yesterday?" Spencer felt the blush rise to his face. "Honestly, I'd really prefer it if we could forget that I've had too deep a drink again now. I definitely know I won't be doing that again anytime soon. So you don't have to explain to me how harmful alcohol can be to me and my brain. I promise not to touch another drop of alcohol in the foreseeable future."

Spencer turned away and started rummaging around in his bag. Maybe that was enough for Morgan? Maybe he could wiggle out of it with "Let's just forget about it" one more time? "Weren't you going to the bathroom?" pushed Spencer quickly. "The others are expecting us in a few minutes at breakfast. I'll ... I'll go ahead." With that, he flipped his bag shut, grabbed his jacket, and hurried out of the room without looking back again. At least he had gained a little time, because fresh out of bed Derek would certainly not chase after him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are conversations you just can't avoid. And that's also how Spencer feels in this chapter. However, you can really feel sorry for him. Derek uncovers one of his secrets, but Spencer is still pretty clueless.

Aaron Hotchner declared it an initial success that the previous night had not resulted in any more murdered teachers. "We're obviously on the right track," he told the team, which had gathered in the police office briefing room early that morning along with several colleagues from the Atlanta Police Department. "Everything has remained calm. Even the police officers who were assigned to protect the potential victims didn't notice anything unusual. It is possible that their presence deterred our unsub from another murder attempt."

"So where do we go from here?" one of the police officers inquired.

"We start interrogating the suspects this morning," Rossi explained. This, it was already clear, would take some time. Even before the team arrived at the police station, Garcia had added two names to the list of suspects, bringing the total to twelve, and at the same time still had plenty of research to do. Parallel to the interrogations, the police colleagues were to check the alibis of the suspects.

"I'd like to take another look at the crime scenes," Spencer interjected. "I still feel like we've overlooked something."

Hotch frowned, but when Spencer had a funny feeling, it was usually for good reason. "Do you want to go back and look at everything in the field?"

"The last two crime scenes, maybe. I'd already seen the first ones myself on the first day, after all."

Aaron nodded. "Take someone with you. Four eyes see more than two."

"I'll do it. We always make a good team, don't we, Reid," Morgan immediately volunteered. Spencer felt a little sick to his stomach. So far, he had been able to avoid being alone with Morgan. The fact that he was now so willing to go along with him could only mean that he wanted to talk to him in private. And that did not bode well. But Spender wasn't getting out of this one that easily. "Um, ... yeah, ... yeah sure," he reluctantly agreed, immediately burying his nose back into the crime scene photos in the file he had in front of him.

Spencer felt like the entire room was closing in around him when he finally got into the SUV with Derek to drive to the final crime scene.

But Derek's first words surprised him, "I think this time it's definitely up to me to apologize. I'm sorry."

"I don't see what you have to be sorry about," Reid muttered, confused. Had Derek noticed something this morning after all, and did he now believe on his part that he had molested him in his sleep? Spencer almost couldn't imagine that. "Like you said yourself a few days ago: If I drink too much, it's my own fault. You had nothing to do with that," he tried evasively.

"Yes, I do, actually," Derek confessed, which surprised Spencer again. "I set out to get you drunk. And I'm truly not proud of that now."

Spencer swallowed. He really hadn't expected that now. "Why did you set out to get me drunk?" he probed cautiously.

Derek inhaled audibly, "Because of our night together."

Spencer's eyes grew wide. This couldn't be happening. Had this all been some kind of revenge act? "You were going to get back at me for feeding you that whiskey? But I had apologized. And you had said that everything was fine between us," he returned, unable to stop his voice from trembling slightly as he did so.

"No, you've got me all wrong. It's not about the alcohol, it's about what happened after that."

Spencer's confusion grew. If only he knew what Derek was talking about. "About what happened after that?"

"Yes, after that," Derek confirmed.

"What ... what after that do you mean?" inquired Spencer hesitantly. And he noticed Derek immediately staring at him. "What do you remember about that night?" he suddenly wanted to know. "Or ... or from the last one?"

Spencer couldn't help it: He was blushing to the tips of his hair. Now Derek had figured out what was going on after all. "Not ... not much? I ... you know, I ... I'm not big on alcohol. There's a reason for that. I ... I don't get a hangover, but ... well my eidetic memory doesn't play along when I've had a drink. Quite the opposite: it shuts down completely," Spencer admitted hesitantly.

Derek groaned loudly. "Is that why you told me to just forget about the night and you wouldn't tell anyone? Are you saying you couldn't tell anyone about it at all?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah?", Spencer hesitantly tried an answer. "Are you mad at me now?"

"Yes! ... No. ... Do you actually know what you've done to me?", Derek was visibly displeased. "No, of course you don't. It's not like you can remember."

"I ... I don't understand," Spencer muttered.

Derek slammed his hands on the steering wheel in frustration, causing Spencer to wince.

"Why don't you tell me what's going on," Spencer pleaded. He just didn't understand anything anymore. What had he done last night?

But Derek shook his head resolutely. "Now is really not the time. Just this: I'll take you at your word. You're not drinking another drop of alcohol!"

"Derek ...," Spencer started again, but was immediately interrupted again. "No, not now. Let's finish this case. And then ... then we'll have a long talk."

Spencer nodded. He hadn't wanted to have this conversation. But now that he was in the middle of it, he wanted clarification. How was he going to make it to the end of the case if Derek was possibly mad at him. He ducked his head and made himself as small as possible in his seat. All he wanted to do was get out of here. And he had the impression that this thought had also flashed through his mind last evening.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, once again, the focus is on the case BAU is working on.And Spencer makes a discovery that brings the team much closer to the solution.

Derek steered the SUV into the driveway of the row house where Tanja Montgommery, the latest victim, had lived. The former English and history teacher had lived there alone since her husband died shortly before she retired. The house was still sealed, so the likelihood of finding new evidence here was much greater than at the other crime scenes, some of which had already been cleared.

Wordlessly, Spencer followed Derek as he got out and pulled the key to the house, which he had received from the lead detective, out of his pants pocket. He needed to focus on the case now, needed to tune Derek out.

"Where do you want to start?" inquired Morgan, who was noticeably trying to be objective. "Is there anything in particular that interests you?"

Reid shook his head. "Let's go inside. Maybe we can do a quick reenactment of what happened before I take another look around."

Morgan nodded and led the way. He cut the police seal and unlocked the door.

Reid pulled some crime scene photos from his bag as he went inside. He already had a pretty good idea of the house, but actually being here stimulated other levels in his brain. "She was shot in her bed like most of the other victims. This has to be upstairs," he muttered more to himself than to Derek as he flipped through the pictures. "The unsub probably came in the front door and left it open when he took off again."

Derek glanced into the living room adjacent to the hallway, opened another door, this one to the basement, he noted, and finally took a quick look around the kitchen before returning to Reid. "There were no signs that the culprit was down here anywhere?" he inquired. Spencer, still engrossed in the photos, shook his head. "At least the cops who investigated everything couldn't find any evidence of that."

As Derek sprinted up the stairs, Spencer, looking around the hallway, mused about what bothered him about the crime scenes and why he still felt that an important piece to their puzzle was missing.

"Should we reenact the events?" shouted Derek from upstairs after a few seconds.

"Yeah, I'm our unsub," Spencer returned, setting his bag aside. He closed his eyes for a moment to get into character and figure out where to start. Then he explained loud enough for Derek to hear upstairs, "I'm probably there by car, but I didn't park it in front of the house or the neighbors might spot me. I come in through the front door, either because that's the easiest access for me or because I know the adjacent neighbor has a doghouse behind the house. The dog might bark if I sneak around the back."

"Okay, you came in. I didn't wake up. Now what?"

Spencer looked around briefly and glanced again at his photos. "The doors on the right and left were closed. So I either know the house, or at least I suspect the bedroom is upstairs and that's where I'll find my victim. I'll sneak right up the stairs." Spencer slowly made his way up while Derek backed away from the stairs and retreated toward the bedroom door.

At the top of the stairs, Reid again compared the photos to what he saw around him. "Same thing here. I know exactly where to go to find Montgommery. I'm not interested in the other rooms." Spencer turned directly toward the bedroom while Derek disappeared into it, closing the door behind him.

"I'll go straight to the bedroom and open the door," Spencer explained as he did just that.

"I'm in bed. But it's unclear here: am I still asleep or did something wake me up already?" asked Derek, who had laid down on the bed. "I'm under the covers, so at least I'm not alarmed enough to want to jump up yet. But my eyes are open later, so I must have woken up at some point."

"I haven't made any noise so far. The door hasn't squeaked either," Spencer mused, moving the door again. "Maybe I woke you up on purpose. I wanted you to see who was standing in front of you and shoot you."

"But I'm not trying to escape. So you either surprised me enough to send me into shock, or you didn't give me time to do that before you shot," Derek further explained the possible event.

"Or you recognize me and that's why you don't think about running right away," Spencer added before pointing a finger at Derek. "I shoot you three times. All shots to the chest. Probably because that's where I'm most sure I'm really killing you."

Derek slumped back into the pillow.

"And just like I came, I'm getting out of the house," Spencer continued as he retreated out into the hallway. "I don't take anything with me, am probably in a hurry now, because the shots may have been heard. In a hurry, I'll even leave the front door open."

Derek rose from the bed and stepped out to Spencer. "Anything you would have noticed now?"

Reid ran his fingers through his hair. There really was something wrong. Something he'd noticed out of the corner of his eye that didn't show up in any of the photos. Quickly, Spencer ran downstairs and stopped there in front of the front door, pondering. He looked at the door again for a moment, then took a searching look at the file. This was it! This was what had been bothering him all along!

"Remember what you asked me two days ago?" he inquired, turning to Morgan.

"Regarding what?" asked Derek back promptly.

"We were in the office and you were studying the crime scene reports from the first three murders. You were asking how the unsub could get into the house so easily and if no one here had an alarm system," Spencer reminded him.

"Yeah, so?"

"Tanya Montgommery had an alarm system," Reid returned, pointing to the box next to the door. "It was turned off."

"Maybe she forgot to turn it on?" speculated Derek.

"But still intensely cleaned the exact buttons on the numbers that go with her code?"

"What are you saying?" asked Morgan.

"It says here in the file that Tanja Montgommery's fingerprints were the only ones on the number pad - except for the three, eight, and nine buttons. The numerical code for the pad is 33983, and our perpetrator turned it off himself and then cleaned the buttons to make sure he didn't leave any traces," Reid explained, his flow of words picking up speed as he did so. "Do you know what that means?"

"That the perpetrator clearly knew the code," Morgan immediately retorted.

"Yes, and that our profile is wrong, Derek. Our unsub is not a student. He's a former student! The door wasn't forced open. None of the crime scenes had the door broken open. I didn't even notice that before. The perpetrator was able to open the doors without any problem, and this was not the first time he had been in the houses during the murders. He knew his way around because he had looked around before."

"But who would just give a former student their house key?" interrupted Derek Spencer's monologue.

"Nobody. That's the thing. Our unsub knows locks," Spencer now burst out excitedly. "He probably works for a locksmith. May have even visited each house before, under the cover of customer acquisition, and offered to check the security of the locks for the residents. He may even have made impressions of the keys in the process. This definitely wasn't a juvenile."

"Damn! That means we're just completely wrong again with our search," Morgan cursed. "I'm calling Hotch. He needs to know right away. Spencer nodded and picked up the phone himself. "I'll let Garcia know. She'll have to use our existing parameters to search through former students' files. Thank God the search can be narrowed down a bit more by referencing a locksmith or something like that."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the new kudos and comments. It really spurs me on in my writing.  
> We are slowly but surely getting closer to the final spurt. There is another breakthrough in the BAU case in this chapter. Also, J.J. has a conversation of the not-so-pleasant kind with Spencer.

"I told you we'd still need your geographic profile, didn't I?" triumphed Derek as he paced up and down behind Spencer. "It all made sense."

"And what's the point of you scurrying around me like a mother hen?" inquired Reid, slightly annoyed. He did not lift his eyes from the monitor in front of him. For half an hour, he had been staring spellbound at the screen, on which the recording of a traffic camera was running at high speed. While Garcia was digging through reams of files of former Atlanta High students, Spencer had picked up on the idea Derek had brought in a few days ago: He had worked out the most likely routes between the three crime scenes of the first murders and put some police colleagues on it to get him all the traffic camera recordings along those routes that had been made on the night of the murders. With a little luck, he could spot a locksmith's car somewhere within the relevant time windows that the unsub had used to drive from one crime scene to the other. On the one hand, it could not be ruled out that the perpetrator had used another vehicle, but on the other hand, there was also the question of whether the perpetrator could afford a second vehicle at all. In this respect, there was at least the possibility that he had been traveling in his company car.

"I'm not a mother hen, nor do I scurry," Morgan returned. Spencer's grumpy tone didn't seem to scratch him at all. "Hotch told me to give you a hand. And as long as you don't tell me how to help you, I'll just look over your shoulder."

"You're not looking over my shoulder. You're running around. That's ... irritating," Spencer returned, rather annoyed. How was he supposed to concentrate when Morgan didn't move an inch from his side?

Reid tried to put the confusing conversation they had started in the car, but never finished, out of his mind. But as long as Morgan was around him all the time, he wasn't going to succeed. And he just couldn't figure out his friend and colleague either. These mood changes were simply driving him crazy. In the car, Derek had been visibly upset, probably even angry with him. And now? It seemed as if all of that was completely forgotten. Spencer just couldn't keep up with this roller coaster of emotions. It almost made him physically ill.

"Why don't you let me help you already," Morgan reminded himself.

"You can't help me. You can ..." Spencer interrupted himself as an idea struck him. "Oh, you know what? I really need a cup of coffee and a donut. Can you maybe get those for me?"

"Are you trying to kick me out of the room right now?" returned Derek promptly with a grin. A grin that, even if Spencer didn't want it to be, was definitely contagious.

"I'm not throwing you out," he countered. "I'm merely asking for your help. That's what you wanted." He just couldn't help a small smirk at that.

"Okay, okay, your wish is my command!" laughed Morgan, turning toward the door. "I'll be back shortly."

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief as Morgan closed the door behind him. At least now he had a few minutes of peace and could concentrate on his work.

This time, however, J.J. threw a wrench in his plans. "Hey, Spencer, can I interrupt you for a minute?" she inquired as she poked her head in the door.

Spencer nodded in surrender. Then the video would just have to wait another five minutes. "What can I help you with?" he inquired, waiting for Jennifer to hear a statistic, probability, or other useful fact from him. But his friend pulled up a chair and settled down next to Spencer.

"I wanted to inquire if everything was all right. You gave me quite a scare yesterday when you suddenly ran out of the bar."

Oh dear! Spencer hadn't expected that he would now have to give Jennifer an explanation as well.

"Everything's all right," he tried to brush aside her concern. And then decided to come right out with the truth. "In fact, I can't really tell you exactly what was going on with me last night. I just ... drank way too much, I guess. I ... um ... I don't remember much. But promise me: this stays between us!"

Jennifer nodded. "And everything else is really okay? Even with Morgan?"

unerringly, of course, J.J. caught his most sore spot again. "I'm not so sure about that," he muttered. "He wanted to talk to me about something, but you could say we didn't get to the end of that conversation."

Jennifer raised her eyebrows. "And you have no idea what it's about?" she asked cautiously. She did want to push the two men in the right direction, but walking the walk was something they would have to do themselves.

Spencer shrugged his shoulders. "I thought so, but I'm not so sure anymore. It's all so convoluted."

"So nothing's okay after all."

"Not really," Spencer admitted.

"All I can do is advise you again: Finally come clean with Morgan. Then you'll know where you stand, and a lot of your questions and doubts will probably disappear into thin air," J.J. repeated what she had already said more often.

"There's no point in any of this," Spencer objected. "Why would Derek, of all people, feel anything for me? There's nothing about me besides my brain that he could want. And he gets that without having to fall in love with me."

"Do you actually listen to yourself once in a while?" inquired J.J., who felt that her sympathy for Spencer was no longer the right way to get him on track. "If all you do is sit around and whine, then I'm really starting to think Derek isn't missing much. There's actually so much more to you. Why don't you just show that? Why don't you gather up that courage we both know you have hidden somewhere under your sweaters?"

Spencer's eyes widened as Jennifer suddenly took on a completely different tone.

"But I ..." he wanted to protest. But J.J. wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. "I'll tell you one thing: If you'd finally believe in yourself, use your abilities more, and look a little more courageously into the world, Morgan would have been dodging behind you on a leash long ago. But you don't seem to want to do that."

With that, she stood up. Spencer should think about that in peace. Through the glass door she saw Morgan coming out of the kitchen. She was going to talk to him again for a moment or two to make sure that Derek would finish the conversation they had started.

Spencer didn't quite know what to make of Jennifer's words. She had never talked to him like that before. And it confused him almost more than half his conversation with Morgan.

Reid quickly turned back to his monitor. He didn't have time for all that right now. He had to solve this case. And after that, he could deal with those knotty feelings.

He let the recording, which he had stopped when J.J. had come in, roll on. But seconds later, he pressed pause again. There was what he had been looking for all along. Clearly, a van with a key visible on its side.

Spencer rushed to the door, yanked it open, and called out to Morgan, who was just approaching the door, "I think I got it! Come on!" Reid grabbed the coffee cup from Morgan's hands with one hand and pulled the dark-skinned man back into the room behind him with the other. "There!" he shouted excitedly, pointing to the screen that showed a still image from a traffic camera. He almost spilled the coffee in his excitement, but then remembered the cup and took a big sip from it before continuing, "That's at an intersection that's on one of the routes the unsub probably used between the second and third crime scenes. I factored in distance, probable speed, traffic at night, and possible traffic lights, and it all fits. This could be our perpetrator's car."

Morgan settled into the chair Reid had vacated and studied the image closely. A small van was just crossing the intersection coming from the south. No driver could be seen, but there was a company logo with a key on the side of the van. The text underneath, however, was completely blurred. "We need to send this to Garcia right away. Maybe she can make the writing legible," Derek said as he stood back up. "Really good job, kid!"

He hurried out to let Hotch know, leaving Spencer to ask Penelope for help with the picture.


	25. Chapter 25

"Another day with no results!" sighed Spencer in frustration as he plopped down on the bed at the hotel.

"You can't say it like that," Derek immediately objected. "Tonight we've got umpteen patrols on the street looking for vans of locksmiths. I'm sure of it: either the police catch our unsub tonight, or we get a name and address from Garcia tomorrow. She got Kevin to help her. He's trying to get what he can out of the camera image, and Garcia is pulling a night shift over the files. That's the best we can do. And tomorrow, we'll put this guy in jail."

Spencer nodded wearily. "Derek?" he asked, just as Morgan was about to direct his steps toward the bathroom. "Can we talk now?" He'd thought about it for a long time, and had come to the conclusion that maybe he should gather up his courage after all, and work with Derek to get everything out of the way that stood between them. Probably in the process, Morgan would also come around to the fact that he knew Spencer had fallen in love with him. Then it would finally be in the open, and maybe the rejection he would get was actually better than eternal uncertainty.

But Derek wasn't going to make it that easy for him now, because the man made a thoughtful face but didn't answer right away.

Finally, though, he seemed to take pity on Spencer: "Let me take a quick shower. Then we'll talk, okay?"

Spencer just nodded and stared behind Derek until the door closed. Now he couldn't go back. Now he just hoped he didn't have a heart attack from nervousness before Derek returned.

Spencer used the time Derek spent in the shower to change for the night. But that was done quicker than he would have liked. Spencer squatted down on the bed and tried to convince himself that he didn't have to be nervous. But that didn't really make it any better. He glanced at the clock almost every second, wondering when Derek would be out of the bathroom. He wished he still had time to think of some appropriate words with which to respond to the rebuff Derek was expected to give him. And at the same time, he hoped that Derek would finally return so that he could get this conversation over with as quickly as possible.

When the bathroom door finally opened and a freshly showered Derek emerged from the cloud of steam, Spencer just watched him out of the corner of his eye. He didn't even dare look up at him directly.

Morgan, it seemed to Spencer, was quite composed. He stretched out comfortably on the bed next to him so that his feet stuck out into Spencer's field of vision. Spencer, on the other hand, couldn't bring himself to turn to Morgan.

"Okay, let's talk about last night," Derek finally said quietly.

"Hmm," was all Spencer could reply.

"Don't you want to talk to me?"

"Yes, I do," Spencer mumbled meekly as his insides screamed yes and no in turn.

"Then look at me, too," Morgan now demanded. "I don't like talking to your back so much."

Hesitantly, Spencer spun around and squinted up into Derek's face from below. Cautiously, he tried to gauge what Morgan's mood was. But he couldn't tell much from his friend's face - or at least neither impatience nor anger.

"So, you don't remember last night?" asked Derek, as Spencer slowly raised his head and looked directly at Morgan after all.

Spencer just shook his head. That was how far they had come, after all. Did Morgan have to rub his nose in this embarrassment again?

"What do you remember?" inquired Derek.

"We ... we were at the bar," Spencer began hesitantly. "Emily got us drinks. I think it was pretty fun. But I'm not sure. At some point, it wasn't fun anymore. I don't know what happened. And then ... well then I woke up in the morning here in bed. And ..." Spencer broke off.

"And what?" immediately echoed Morgan.

"You ... you held me in your arms," Spencer finally burst out. "It ... it wasn't that easy to ... I mean, to get out of bed without waking you up." And at that, Spencer felt himself blush a tiny bit. If only the situation had really been as it sounded now. If only he had been in Derek's arms because they had made love the whole night before. But that was just wishful thinking and Spencer tried to push the thoughts of it away.

Spencer mustered all his courage. "You said this morning that I did something to you that night," he muttered. "Please, Derek, what did I do to you?"

"You're not lying? You really don't know anything else," Derek inquired again.

"When have I ever lied to you?" asked Spencer right back. He just didn't know where Morgan was going with his questions.

"Okay. We were at the bar. And like I said, unfortunately, I also contributed to you getting too much alcohol. Not out of revenge, certainly not. It was, ... just a fun thing. I wanted you to loosen up a little bit," Morgan finally explained. "Unfortunately, I didn't realize that your mood then kind of took a turn for the opposite. I was on the dance floor when at one point I realized you were just staring off. And the next minute, you were staggering outside."

Spencer furrowed his brow. This reminded him of something, somehow. He'd watched something that had literally made his heart tighten. "Was she ... was the woman you were dancing with blonde?" he inquired. And he bit his tongue to keep from asking if Derek had slept with the woman. He could vaguely remember feeling Morgan wanted to have sex with her right there on the dance floor.

"Do you remember?" inquired Morgan, snapping Reid out of his thoughts with his question.

"Vaguely? I just got the impression I saw you with a pretty blonde," he downplayed what he thought was a memory.

"That's right, she was definitely pretty," Derek murmured. "But that's not important right now. In any case, then I chased after you - only to find you pretty much out of it here in our room. You pretty much didn't react at all, just stared ahead of you and sniffled a bit. So I undressed you and put you to bed. And then ... well then you told me you'd always be alone because everyone would leave you, your dad, Gideon, Maeve ..."

Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and blushed red at the same time. What had he done? How could he, in his drunken state, just turn his innermost self out in front of Morgan like that, and show him so abundantly clear how weak he was?

"Hey, kid, even if you don't remember, I told you this yesterday: you're not alone. You have the entire team and you have me. As long as it's in my power, I'll never leave you alone."

"That ... I know ... I know," Spencer muttered.

"Well, then it seems you don't quite trust your own knowledge," Derek returned. "Anyway, last night you were convinced that you were all alone. And to convince you otherwise, I took you in my arms and held you."

Spencer took a deep breath and audibly expelled it. "So I just ruined your date yesterday, and I cried to you afterwards, too? Great, how can you even stand me?" Spencer shook his head. If Morgan was now going to reveal to him that he had confessed love to him, drunk as he was, then he might as well hand in his resignation. Not only would the whole team probably know sooner or later - Morgan had often confided Spencer's problems to Rossi, Hotchner, or even Gideon in the past - but whatever little respect Morgan might still have for him would be gone.

"Hey, kid, don't worry about it. We all have days when the world gets too much for us," Derek said. "Still, I'd like to know where you got the idea that no one would be there for you."

Where could Derek be so blind - or so cruel - Spencer thought to himself. "Look at me!" he groaned in frustration. "You see me day in and day out. How many people do you notice not looking at me like I have two heads as soon as I open my mouth? And how many even notice me when I don't say anything?"

"It may not be that everyone appreciates you, but ..."

"Oh, they appreciate me very much," Spencer interrupted his friend, talking himself into a frenzy. "They appreciate my IQ. The Spencer Reid database. An answer to every question. Extremely handy when you don't have a calculator handy at the moment. Or an army of police officers when you need to sift through mountains of files. Unfortunately, you have to put up with the useless facts that come with what you need. Why doesn't Reid have a button where you can turn him off? You know I've heard that behind my back more than once?"

And it pained Spencer to have to remind himself that Morgan had also told him to shut up several times. And probably always rightly so. He simply didn't notice when his thoughts and ideas took on a life of their own and bubbled out of him. That was one of his biggest problems when working with others.

"I'm sorry," Derek interjected when Spencer had to catch his breath. "I know I'm not always fair to you either. But even if your IQ were to whiz down 100 points overnight: you'd still be my best friend. And Garcia, J.J., Rossi, ... whoever on the team you ask, they'll all say the same thing."

"100 points," Spencer muttered, thinking to himself what a pleasant thought that might be. Just being average. "Then I'd probably have fewer problems and be less alone."

"What can I do to convince you that you're not alone," Derek inquired. "I'd do anything."

"I know you would, I really know," Spencer said, and to a good extent he believed Derek. As a friend, he probably really wouldn't leave him alone unless he pushed him away with something stupid. "But maybe you just need to remind me every once in a while."

"Okay, I'll start tonight then," Derek returned immediately. "Come on, get under the covers."

"What are you going to do," Spencer asked suspiciously. Morgan was acting completely erratic today. He just couldn't figure him out. Still, he complied and slowly buried himself under his covers. "Are you going to tell me a bedtime story now?"

"Not quite. I think I have a better way to jog your memory."

Derek slid himself under his comforter, then lifted it a bit again and demanded, "Move over. I'm going to hold you all night long. And if you need to get free of me again in the morning, you'll know for a fact that you haven't been alone for the last few hours."

Spencer hesitated for a moment. After all, that was what he really wanted: to be in Morgan's arms and feel safe with him. And yet Derek was offering him something different than Spencer wanted: friendship instead of love.

Spencer pushed the thought aside, thinking a little about what J.J. had told him. He should just be braver. Derek wouldn't know what this night would mean to him. He was simply comforting a friend. And Spencer just wanted to surrender to the feeling he would get from having Derek hold him. Why shouldn't he embrace this night if it was given to him?

Before Morgan could say anything else, Spencer moved over to him and let himself be enclosed in the strong warm arms.

Morgan paused a second, then slid his arm and shoulder under Reid so that the latter's head came to rest half on his chest. "Now sleep tight," Spencer heard him say softly. "Tomorrow we'll catch our killer."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the new kudos. I am very happy that you accompany me to the end of this story.  
> Spencer makes a decision this time: he wants to show what he is made of.

The next morning had been extremely strange for Reid. In fact, he had still been in Morgan's arms when his cell phone had jolted them both from sleep with an insistent beeping. While Spencer was quite uncomfortable with the situation, Morgan didn't seem to have much of a problem with it. He had stretched when Spencer had disengaged from him and then generously let him have his turn in the bathroom. Not a word had been spoken about the previous night.

In the shower, Reid had racked his brain as to where this was taking them now. Surely it wasn't normal for two colleagues - or even friends - to cling to each other all night long. His understanding of interpersonal relationships was flawed, perhaps, but not so completely absent that he could still consider it normal. And that had once again led him to wonder if there might be a chance for him with Morgan after all. Derek had responded to him when he had opened up to him, albeit unintentionally. Maybe he did need to reveal more of himself in order for Derek to see him in a different light. Probably J.J. was right: timidity and insecurity never got him anywhere.

When Spencer finally left the shower, one decision was definitely made: he was going to prove to Derek that there was more to him than an insecure genius who needed to be constantly reassured or protected. Maybe that would open Derek's eyes and his heart.

But after breakfast, events were already tumbling over each other, so Spencer couldn't even think of how to put his plan into action. Kevin had been sitting up all night editing the image the traffic camera had recorded. But much of the writing remained illegible. So he and Penelope had searched out all the locksmiths in Atlanta and compared the logo and inscription with what they found online about the companies. And they had indeed found what they were looking for: A certain Tobias Merpl was the owner of a one-man business that operated as a locksmith and also installed alarm systems. Merpl fit the profile and, moreover, his former school record showed that he had had lessons with every single one of the teachers who had been killed.

From there, then, it had been a short step to have Garcia determine the address of the suspect, in front of whose house the BAU and a squad of local police had just arrived.

"Rossi, Morgan, J.J., you take the back with three men," Aaron ordered as the team, along with a squad of police officers, approached the suspect's small, rundown house. "Prentiss, you cover the right side with two men. Reid, with two men to the left. I don't want to leave him any chance of possibly escaping through a window. I'll go in front with the rest."

At Hotch's signal, the group split up and each section moved forward. Hotch himself waited with his group for another half minute before moving toward the front door, giving the others enough time to get into position.

Once at the door, he made short work of it. He banged on it twice and shouted, "Tobias Merpl! Open up, it's the FBI!"

He didn't wait for a response, however, but immediately beckoned two of the police officers forward, who used a battering ram to push the door open. Immediately the policemen swarmed into the house. A crash could also be heard from the back. There, Morgan and his men had just broken down the door.

Reid, with two policewomen covering the left side of the house, listened for any sounds he heard coming from the house. Of course, he had been given the terrain that Hotch probably reckoned was safest. There were no windows on the first floor here, and only two on the top floor. That Merpl would try to escape on this side was very unlikely. And that's probably why Reid had gotten the two policewomen as backup. Judging by their age, they hadn't been part of the unit long and were probably supposed to gain experience in the field here without much danger. Spencer felt like he had been benched.

He was startled out of his thoughts when a shot rang out from the house, followed by loud yelling. Spencer couldn't make it all out, but apparently Merpl had opened fire on the squad. Reid just hoped no one was hurt.

Again and again Spencer could hear Aaron's voice in the house, but what exactly he was shouting, whether he meant the squad or their perpetrator, he could not make out. What was certain, however, was that Merpl would not be so easily pinned down.

When Spencer suddenly heard a cracking sound near the corner of the house, he quickly signaled to the policewomen to take cover behind a bush at the wall of the house. Had Merpl somehow managed to make his way out?

Reid clutched his gun tightly and aimed at the corner of the house, where he suspected he would see Merpl emerge any second.

"Shit! Morgan, what are you doing sneaking around here?" he groaned as Derek appeared all at once directly in front of his muzzle. "I was beginning to think Merpl had gotten away from you," Reid murmured as he lowered his weapon.

"I've got to get to the top floor," Morgan explained quietly and curtly. "Merpl's firing down from the stairs, we can't get to him right now."

Spencer faltered briefly. "There's a window open up there," he murmured, pointing diagonally above him.

"Just what I was looking for," Morgan returned. "Go on, make robber ladder. I've got to get up there."

Reid stared at Morgan in disbelief. Derek couldn’t seriously believe that he would have enough strength to hoist his colleague up there. And besides, why did Derek, of all people, have to play the hero again? "You don't really think I'm going to get you up there," Spencer whispered. "You're what? Three times my weight?"

Derek shook his head. "Well, then ..." But when his gaze fell on Spencer's backup, the two women, he broke off.

And in that moment, Reid was clear about what he wanted to do. "I'm going up," he declared firmly. "Come on, help me!"

"Are you crazy?", Morgan promptly wanted to know, giving him an incredulous and at the same time somewhat annoyed look.

"No, but considerably lighter than you," returned Reid, who was growing more sure of himself now that he was arguing with Morgan. He wasn't a little kid, he was an extensively trained FBI agent. Just because Morgan was usually the one to rush ahead didn't mean he was incapable of doing so himself. On the contrary, he had the advantage of being able to move more quietly than some of his colleagues. And getting inside the window shouldn't be a big problem either. He might otherwise be an absolute loser when it came to sports, but he could climb. How often as a child had he fled from some thugs on thin little trees, where they could not or would not follow him? "So let's go! We don't have forever!" he murmured when Morgan didn't immediately respond.

"You ..."

But the contradiction written all over Morgan's face irked Reid immensely, and it was evident in the look that unexpectedly silenced his colleague. "I'm not a little kid and this isn't my first field assignment. I got full marks on the last shooting test, and I'm not going to let Merpl get that close to a scuffle," he explained impatiently. And his determined and confident manner had an effect - probably because he took Derek completely by surprise with it. "Okay," the latter relented. "But be careful."

Reid just nodded. He slid his gun into its holster, then waited for Morgan to stand under the window and fold his hands so he could climb up. He tried to completely block out how close he got to Morgan as he helped him reach the window above them. He had to concentrate now on finding Merpl and overpowering him.

Something almost like euphoria spread through Spencer when he realized he could get to the window without effort and climb in. Cautiously, he looked around the bathroom he had landed in. Dampness hung in the air. Merpl had hung up damp laundry, so he had left the window open.

Spencer tried to guess what the floor plan of the house might look like as he cautiously approached the door. This probably led out to a hallway, and from there the stairs Morgan had mentioned had to lead down. Merpl had to have found cover somewhere at the top of the stairs and probably kept the stairs in view. Whether Spencer could find cover in the hallway was completely unclear.

Slowly, Reid pushed down on the door handle, hoping that he didn't create any noise by opening the door. Before opening it, he crouched down. Attackers usually aimed for the head or chest, and they would assume they were at the appropriate height. Should Merpl notice the door open, he was still safest near the floor.

Quietly, Spencer pulled the door open. Merpl crouched a few feet in front of him beside a shelf, his eyes fixed on the stairs. But unfortunately, a small cabinet also obscured much of Spencer's field of fire. He would have to move out of cover to get Merpl if necessary.

Slowly, Spencer pushed through the door and took a few steps forward.

"FBI, put the gun down and put your hands up," Reid demanded as he got a clear shot at their suspect. But the latter, startled by the voice behind him, whirled around and immediately laid into Spencer.

Spencer reacted immediately, and the next moment he heard the loud crack of a gunshot, but it missed him. And he didn't hesitate: he took aim and pulled the trigger before Merpl got a chance to fire another shot at him.

Merpl cried out loudly and dropped the gun in shock when he was hit. The bullet had caught him in the thigh, in a harmless spot, Reid knew, but that by no means made the injury any less painful. His own revolver still firmly aimed at Merpl, Spencer quickly came out of cover and kicked Merpl's pistol a few feet down the hallway with one foot.

"Merpl! Stop shooting now or we'll storm!" sounded Hotch's voice from downstairs. "Merpl?"

But the latter, his face contorted in pain, was only capable of a loud groan as Spencer quickly turned him onto his stomach and handcuffed him behind his back.

"Hotch, everything's okay!" shouted Reid downstairs as he secured his prisoner.

"Reid?" he immediately heard Aaron's incredulous voice. Apparently Morgan hadn't gotten around to telling their team leader that there had been a change of plans.

"Yeah, you guys can come up. I've got him," Spencer returned.

Immediately, movement came to the team and Spencer saw Morgan running up the stairs ahead of everyone else. Spencer tried to pull Merpl to his feet, but when Morgan came to a stop next to him, he paused. "You're welcome to take over. That's for people with more muscle," he explained as he stowed his revolver in its holster with a slight smirk and stepped over to Hotch, who had it written all over his face that he wanted an explanation.

"I couldn't have lifted Morgan up to the window, so I got in myself. I surprised Merpl from behind, he tried to shoot at me, but he's a lousy shot, frankly, if his victim won't hold still. I don't know where the shot went. Anyway, I got him in the thigh. The rest ... the rest will be in my report tomorrow," Reid summarized, unable to keep from smiling with satisfaction. This should be proof to his dear colleagues that he was more than a calculator and encyclopedia on two legs.

"And now, now I really need disinfectant. Everything here is terribly dirty and the guy probably hasn't bathed in weeks," disgusted, Reid looked at his hands. He felt that they were terribly dirty and sticky from everything he had touched. Quickly he pushed past Hotch. There were first aid kits in the police cars and there was certainly disinfectant in them.

Behind him he could hear Morgan's deep, pleasant laugh and his words as he said, "Takes out a killer in a few minutes, but is afraid of bacteria, that's our boy wonder!"


	27. Chapter 27

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" inquired Reid to Morgan for the third time. "What if Penelope starts feeding me alcohol again?"

Spencer didn't even like to think about what could happen if he wasn't in control of his senses again. After all, everything had gone so well today, he didn't want to spoil that now with something stupid.

After the team had arrested Tobias Merpl, the interrogation and the paperwork had kept them there for a few more hours. But then they had started the return flight and Reid had been completely at peace with himself for the first time in a long time. J.J.'s advice hadn't been so bad after all. It had done him good to show courage - even if Jennifer had meant it with regard to a completely different matter - and to show his colleagues that he was also a force to be reckoned with. And Spencer knew that he had also made an impression on Derek. Even if the latter certainly didn't want to admit it. During the flight, during which Morgan sat next to him, Spencer had repeatedly sensed that the older man was eyeing him out of the corner of his eye when he thought he was unobserved. Spencer may have had his nose buried in a book he'd borrowed from Emily, but he'd still felt a wonderful warmth in his body every time Morgan's gaze rested on him.

All that, that positive impression he had left, he did not want to ruin now by possibly allowing himself to be tempted to drink once again. And yet he had once again let Penelope persuade him to accompany her and the other colleagues on another visit to the club, where they had been just over a week ago.

With a sigh, Spencer got out and locked his car, which he and Morgan had just used to park near the club.

"Then you stand firm on mineral water. That's what you promised me," Morgan replied to his question about alcohol. "You saw how happy Penelope was to have us back. Why don't you treat her to the pleasure of dragging us to the club again tonight?"

"Yeah, sure. Otherwise I wouldn't even be here," Reid returned, secretly wishing he could escape to his apartment and his books. And again, J.J.'s words rang in his ear that he should finally be braver. So he'd probably be brave enough to take on this visit to the club.

With his elbow, Morgan gave Reid a little shove. "Come on, let's get into the fray. I'm sure the others are waiting."

Sure enough, J.J. came right out to meet them as soon as they were through the door, pulling them toward a seating area that had a perfect view of the bar and dance floor.

"Glad you're finally here," Garcia greeted the two men. "I already got us something to warm us up!" She slid Reid and Morgan a shot glass each, then raised hers to toast them. But Spencer immediately shook his head. "I ... I don't drink. I ... I'm going to get a water." And already he was dashing off to get said water. He wouldn't drink anything alcoholic. Guaranteed he wouldn't. He had promised Morgan that, and himself.

When he returned to the table a little later, he was astonished to find that the shot Garcia had gotten him was no longer a problem: Morgan had drunk it.

"I was just relieving you of temptation," Derek murmured in his ear when he saw his questioning look. "O ... okay," Spencer returned hesitantly, not knowing what else to say to that.

After four more rounds of shots, alternating between Rossi and Emily, and each time a glass had also appeared in front of Spencer, Spencer was starting to get pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing. And Morgan was causing him concern. Because each time, the older man would relieve him of the alcohol and just drink it himself.

"Isn't this getting to be too much," Spencer therefore asked Morgan quietly. "You don't have to drink that."

But Morgan promptly retorted, "You can't let liquor perish." And already he was pulling the new glass over to safe. "Besides, I need another tip for my rook." From the nine empty glasses so far - his own and Reid's shots - he had indeed built a small tower in front of him.

"Let him have it," J.J. interjected. "Morgan can take it. You better come out on the dance floor with me."

But none of this pleased Spencer at all. If this kept up, Morgan would soon have alcohol poisoning. And he couldn't understand why her colleagues were grinning and watching and doing nothing about it. And why did they always have to order booze for him anyway, when they must have realized long ago that he wasn't going to drink it?

"Do I have to do that?" grumbled Spencer as J.J. pulled him out of his seat and toward the dance floor. "You know I'm just going to make a fool of myself doing this." A classic waltz or even a regular disco fox, yes, he could do something with that. But freestyle on a disco dance floor, that wasn't his thing. He always felt like he was completely awkward doing it because he didn't know the rules to move by.

"Nonsense, you can move. And besides, no one's looking that closely anyway," Jennifer vigorously objected, not letting go of him until they were in the middle of the party crowd.

After three songs, after which Spencer had to admit, at least to himself, that there really were worse things than bouncing around happily on a dance floor with J.J., his friend finally agreed to let him go back to the table. But he was horrified to realize, when he got there, that Morgan had already gotten another alcoholic refill.

"What's that now?" he inquired incredulously, pointing to the huge cocktail glass that was right under Derek's nose.

"There ... you ... have to ask the bartender," Derek brought out slowly. Spencer could clearly hear that the alcohol was getting to him. "I told him I wanted something that would fire me up real good. He did ... he got it."

"And you guys let him do that?" inquired Reid, now slightly annoyed with his colleagues after all. "He'll drink himself into a coma today if this keeps up."

Rossi just shook his head. "He can take it. And if he's got a proper hangover tomorrow, he'll probably join you on the next bar crawl and just drink water."

Spencer couldn't understand that. He would have thought Rossi, at least, was considerably more sensible.

A shiver ran down his spine when Morgan suddenly leaned toward him. "Come on, Spence, don't be mad," he growled in his ear. "I want to dance now, too. Come on!"

"I just sat back down," Spencer tried to fend him off, but Morgan reached for his hand. "Come on! There's no way you're going to dance with J.J. but then ditch me."

Morgan took a slightly shaky step toward the dance floor and tugged on Reid's arm.

Spencer felt torn. The way Morgan was acting today, it was completely unreasonable. He should get him in his car and take him home before he really had to call 911. But then again, it was a little tempting to be in the place of the many women Morgan usually ensnared for once, and dance with him.

One song, just one song, Spencer told himself as Derek tugged on his arm again, finally getting him to go along. But Spencer briefly turned back to the table: "When we get back, that darn glass will be off the table," he hissed rather indignantly, pointing at Morgan's cocktail glass. "And don't you dare let me see anything else alcoholic in its place!"

He hoped the message had gotten through to his colleagues, and finally let Derek pull him to the dance floor. The latter grinned at him, seemingly happy that he had scored a victory over Spencer.

In the midst of the other people, Derek began to move rhythmically to the insistent beats, making Spencer feel hot and cold by turns. How could this man be so sexy? Derek raised his arms above his head so that his shirt slid up a bit, revealing a bit of skin over his low-slung pants. Spencer would have loved to put his fingers there and then run them further up under Derek's shirt to feel Derek's muscles tense wherever he touched him.

And those hips! Surely those moves didn't belong on a dance floor, they belonged in bed!

Spencer didn't take his eyes off Derek for a moment, moving just a little himself to keep up the appearance of dancing. And it seemed like Morgan clearly wanted to show everyone what he was all about. He turned slowly so Spencer could get a good look at his butt, too - before a female obscured it.

Sure, that was bound to happen. No matter where Derek went, a host of women swarmed him. And so it had only been a matter of time before one of them made a pass at him here, too. Spencer watched enviously as the dark-haired petite woman mustered up the courage he hadn't had and teasingly moved forward along Morgan's waist with her painted nails to embrace him from behind and press herself against him.

Spencer slowly took a step or two backward. He knew exactly what was about to come, and he wouldn't be needed for that. Derek would dance with the woman, flirt with her and maybe even leave the club with her. And he himself would once again be left out in the cold.

Sure enough, Derek turned to his dance partner, leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Spencer closed his eyes for a moment. That was his cue to get out of here now. But when he opened his eyes again to put his thoughts into action, he saw the young woman moving away from Derek. And the latter didn't seem to mind at all. Rather, he sought Spencer's gaze, pushed past her the next moment, and grabbed Spencer's hand before he could make his escape.

"She's pretty," was all Spencer could think of at that moment. "Then why can't I go back to the table now?" And he tried to free his hand from Derek's. But the latter would not let go of him.

"I wanted to dance with you, not her," he muttered.

Spencer swallowed. This was unexpected. And in his surprise, he allowed Derek to pull him into his arms and rest his head on his shoulder. The DJ had put on a slower number and Derek swayed gently back and forth to the beat, and so did Spencer.

"Derek, come on, what are you doing?" asked Spencer, who didn't understand what was going on. He tried to push away from Morgan, but he held him tightly. "Everybody sees us here. The whole team sees us."

"I don't care," Derek grumbled into Spencer's neck. A shiver went down Spencer's entire spine. A dream - and a nightmare at the same time. Derek, in his drunken state, clearly didn't know what he was doing.

"Derek, you're drunk. I'm not one of your girls. Let's get out of here now, please," Spencer tried again.

"Getting out sounds good," Derek muttered. "Where are you going to take me?"

"How about I take you home? You should sleep off that high. I'm sure you'll have a terrible hangover tomorrow. And have I told you the ways alcohol affects your brain, and therefore your whole body?" babbled Spencer.

"I've read that moderate drinkers can actually think better than teetotalers. That's why I'm drinking moderately now. Maybe then I'll be able to keep up with you someday" Derek slurred. "But bringing me home sounds good too. I agree: you can ... seduce me? No, abduct. Abduct...that's right. Oh, just come lead me."

Spencer's heart went to his throat at Derek's words. How many times had he fantasized about seducing Derek? How many times had he actually dreamed about it? But Derek couldn't be serious.

Spencer allowed Derek to grab his hand again and pull him off the dance floor. But back at the table, Spencer made short work of it: he quickly said goodbye to his colleagues, grabbed his bag and both Morgan's and his jacket, and then unerringly directed his drunken friend toward the club's exit. It was best for everyone if he brought Derek home immediately and then went to his own apartment. There he could dream in peace that maybe someday Morgan really meant him and not one of his girls, by whom he was too happy to be seduced.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that I'm so late with the update. First work got in the way and then I had to take care of a friend. There was just too little time for the translation of the latest chapter.   
> But now it's done and I'll try to provide you with one or two more chapters this weekend.  
> Thanks a lot for the new comments and kudos. I'm very happy about them every time.

"Asking you about what I forgot from a week ago probably won't do any good now," Spencer said more to himself than to Derek as he steered his car through the relatively empty streets. He couldn't help but think about the trip he had taken just over a week ago. However, he hadn't taken Morgan home then after all, but to his place. And after that? Well, Morgan hadn't filled in those gaps in his memory yet, and Spencer was beginning to wonder what else the older man was hiding from him.

After last night's conversation had gone much better than he would have ever expected, Spencer now had the courage to ask specifically about the forgotten events. Just too bad Morgan wasn't really in a state to expect a meaningful answer from him.

"I want breakfast," Morgan finally returned to Spencer's question after a brief pause, and Spencer involuntarily wondered where Morgan's mind actually was.

"Now? It's the middle of the night! Half an hour past midnight, to be exact. There's no way I'm taking you to some diner to get pancakes now," Spencer finally declared, slightly annoyed. If only he'd put an end to all that alcohol much sooner, then maybe now would be a reasonable time to talk to Morgan.

Derek pouted, "Tomorrow, I was thinking more like tomorrow. Then I'll tell you everything ... everything I know. You can ... interrogate me if ... if you want," he brought out slowly and somewhat slurred. "Until then ... shh!"

"Oh man, what did I do to deserve this," Spencer just muttered, shaking his head.

A few minutes later, Reid turned into the driveway in front of Morgan's house. "We're here," he explained curtly. He really felt now that it was about time he got home, too. The last few days had tugged at his nerves, and tonight had been another roller coaster of emotions. He simply needed rest now.

"Where?" inquired Morgan, as if he didn't recognize his own house.

"Well, at your house. Your jacket is in the back seat. And I honestly hope you have your key in there and not in that travel bag you left at the office." Spencer rested his forehead on the steering wheel and waited. But nothing happened. "Derek," he grumbled without looking up, "you need to get out and go into your house. I don't plan to spend the night in the car on your doorstep."

"Then come inside with me," Derek offered immediately.

Spencer shook his head. "I'm not going to spend the night at your house. I need to get home, to my own bed. I definitely need some rest right now, too."

"What if I can't find my key after all? Or if I can't find the keyhole? Or my bed?" pouted Derek. "You can't just leave me standing here."

Couldn't the man just get out of the car?

"You're not even standing," Reid returned dryly, then reluctantly opened the door. "Come on, then. I'll walk you in."

When Morgan still didn't budge, Spencer walked around his car and opened the door for him.

"Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you disappeared to," Derek said, looking up at Spencer with a blissful smile.

Spencer pulled him out of the car. Apparently the alcohol was now making itself more and more noticeable. Only with difficulty did he manage to keep Morgan, who was leaning against him with all his weight, upright and finally maneuver him to the house and also into his living room.

It was only there that life finally came back to Derek. "Coffee!" he suddenly groaned, turning to his open kitchen. "I need coffee! You need coffee. And lots and lots of sugar!"

"Derek, I'm going home now. And you should lie down," Spencer tried again to disengage from his friend. But the latter immediately made another disappointed face. "Just a teeny tiny coffee?"

Spencer closed his eyes for a moment, struggling for patience. "Okay, one small coffee. That's all. But I have to go back out and lock the car."

Spencer turned toward the door. On the way to his car, he wondered if it might just be better to take the opportunity to drive home. Morgan would find his way to his bed sooner or later and probably wouldn't even realize he hadn't come back at all.

But on the other hand, Spencer could already notice how he felt guilty at the thought. He had told Derek that he would come back. It wouldn't be fair to just leave him in his kitchen now and not worry about him anymore. After all, Derek had been worried about him too when he hadn't been feeling well the last few nights.

When Spencer finally returned to the house, he immediately noticed that something had changed. The lights in the living room were dimmed and soft music was playing. The latter was actually so not typical for Derek, who usually preferred hip hop, rap and the like. Rather, it sounded like light orchestral music, but he was not familiar with it. Derek himself was standing at the counter in his kitchen, looking searchingly into a cabinet.

"Do you want me to make the coffee?" inquired Spencer, who by now was wondering if Morgan had perhaps already forgotten what had led him to his kitchen.

"No, just about ready. Go sit on the couch. I'll bring it right over," Derek explained, swallowing a few syllables, but still quite understandable.

Spencer glanced briefly at the mess around the chair - books, magazines, and a blanket made sitting on it almost impossible - and then settled down on the couch, sighing. Before he could even explore what magazines were scattered about said armchair, Derek already appeared with two coffee cups filled to the brim and not at all small. "Here, just the way you like it," he declared with a smile and pressed one of the two cups into Spencer's hand - only to almost drop down on top of him instead of sitting down next to him. Why did Morgan keep pestering him like that today of all days?" Spencer wondered as he put a little distance between them. But he didn't get far, because Derek immediately wrapped his arm around Spencer's shoulders. "I'm glad you're here," he declared with a smile.

Spencer felt as if his personal heaven and hell were meeting in one place. If only Derek were sober. Then now would be just the time to talk about feelings. If only he were sober, then his behavior would be a clear sign that there was more between them than friendship. But Morgan was not sober. And so Spencer remained silent.

Derek didn't say a word either as they both drank their coffee and listened to the music. When Spencer's cup was finally almost empty, he made the decision that he had to leave. This was just torture for him. "I think I should ... now," he started, but he was immediately interrupted by Derek.

"Shh!" the latter made and silenced Spencer with a finger on his lips.

Confused and suspicious, Spencer watched as Derek took the cup from his hands and placed it on the small table with his. And before he knew what was really happening, Derek slid his hand down Spencer's neck and pulled him close. Spencer involuntarily closed his eyes when he felt Derek's lips on his seconds later.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you already have one or the other guess what's about to come - or who. ;-)
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags. If you don't want to read detailed sex scenes between two men, you should skip this chapter.

It took only a few seconds before Spencer realized what was happening - something that was not supposed to happen like this. With both hands, he pushed Derek back determinedly, even though he missed the feeling of the kiss at the same moment. But before he could get up from the sofa to put even more distance between Morgan and himself, the latter already grabbed his wrist and held him back.

"Please, just one more kiss," Derek murmured, and Spencer saw with wonder the longing in Morgan's eyes. Caught far too off guard by this, he allowed Derek to kiss him again. Light as a feather was the touch on his lips and yet it sent shiver after shiver through his body. And no matter how much Spencer told himself he had to stop Derek because, drunk as he was, he didn't even know what he was doing - he just couldn't. He also just let it happen that Morgan slid his lips to his cheeks and then to his neck, where he felt not only lips but Derek's tongue on his skin.

"Derek, you have to stop," Spencer tried to be reasonable. "Please!" But he didn't quite know himself whether he was asking Morgan to stop or to continue.

To Derek, it seemed more like a request to continue, because he promptly returned his lips to Spencer's mouth.

Spencer couldn't think straight, Derek's kisses clouding his brain. Instead, he felt like he could feel every little touch a thousand times more clearly than normal. And that included Morgan's hand moving to his back and traveling up and down his spine, literally making Spencer shiver. Like a bolt of lightning, it went through Spencer when Morgan then suddenly grabbed his butt.

"Derek," Spencer murmured against his lips. "Please stop." This was so wrong. As incredibly nice as the moment was, tomorrow they would both regret it if their friendship was then in ruins.

"You don't want me to," Derek returned as he briefly released his lips from Spencer's, but immediately returned. He gently bit Spencer's lower lip and pulled him onto his lap at the same time.

Spencer blushed as he became aware of his new, rather precarious situation. Derek's kisses had aroused him and Derek had to feel that arousal now. But at the same moment, Spencer realized that Morgan was no different. As the latter moved his hips under Spencer, he noticed all too clearly Derek's hard cock rubbing against him.

"I want you!" whispered Derek in Spencer's ear. "You told me recently that I could have you. I want you! Now!"

Derek's words had the effect of an ice-cold shower on Spencer. What was Derek talking about? Who did he think he was with right now? Was he imagining, befuddled by alcohol, that Spencer was one of his girls?

Spencer pushed himself as far away from Morgan as was possible given the other man's tight grip. "You're drunk," he declared firmly. "You don't know what you're talking about. Anything we do now you'll regret tomorrow."

Derek shook his head vehemently. "I know exactly what I'm doing. And what I want. And I'm pretty sure you want the same thing."

He slid his hand between Spencer's legs and pressed it against Spencer's arousal. Not fair, not fair at all, it flashed through Spencer's mind. "This isn't what happens when you don't want each other," Derek murmured.

Spencer groaned, but still tried to argue against it. "Then tell me how many men you've been with."

"None but you."

"And how many men have you wanted?"

"None but you."

"Yeah, and that's only because the booze is making your brain go..."

Spencer broke off as Derek closed his mouth with another kiss. Not fair, it echoed in the back of his mind again as he couldn't help but return the kiss passionately - before breaking it off with a slight gasp.

"If you were sober, or if there was even a single woman around here, you wouldn't even think of trying to sleep with me," he insisted.

"I promise you, you can get a whole harem here and I wouldn't look at any of them," Derek countered, sounding surprisingly sober. "Please, give me this night. Show me what it's like to love you."

Spencer froze. Just one night, that was what he had always wanted, after all. Just once to satisfy this longing that consumed him day in and day out. Just once to feel what it was like to be loved by Derek.

He looked into Derek's eyes and felt like he saw the same longing reflected there. And this wiped away in one fell swoop all the arguments against giving in to Derek.

"One night," Spencer murmured, then pressed his mouth back down on Derek's. Spencer gave up his restraint completely, kissing Derek again and again. At the same time, he tugged at Derek's shirt until he had pulled it out of his pants and could slide his hands underneath. The dam was broken.

A little later they were standing in Derek's bedroom and Derek was stripping Spencer of his clothes piece by piece.

When only his underpants remained, Spencer sensed Derek's hesitation. He cursed himself, but he knew this was a line Derek might not be willing to cross after all. "We can stop," he whispered, seeing the uncertainty in Derek's gaze. But Derek shook his head silently.

"You have to tell me what you like," he said to Spencer. "This is pretty new to me."

Spencer nodded. "Just touch me the way you want to be touched. The rest will come naturally."

That actually made Derek giggle - and Spencer realized the double meaning of his words as Morgen replied, "Just better not too soon. I want to experience everything with you."

At the same moment, Spencer realized what Morgan had said. "Everything?" he inquired to make sure he understood Derek correctly. Derek just nodded dumbly.

Spencer bit his lips nervously. He hadn't expected it to happen so quickly. He was not prepared for this. With his head bowed, he returned. "I don't have much experience there either."

He immediately noticed that his words irritated Derek. "Are you saying ..." Derek left the sentence unfinished as Spencer nodded. "Hands, blow jobs, but nothing more. You probably know even more about the rest than I do."

But instead of deterring Derek, Spencer almost had the impression that this admission reassured him. "Then let's explore this together," Derek murmured as fingers slid into the waistband of Spencer's underpants, finally pushing them down. In the next moment, Spencer felt Derek's hands on his torso again. Derek slowly explored every inch, moving lower and lower. Spencer could guess the destination a short time later.

When Derek finally arrived at Spencer's cock, he carefully stroked it with one finger before grasping it and slowly moving up and down from base to tip.

Spencer sucked in an audible breath and let Derek have a little before demanding, "Take your clothes off. I want to see you." Derek shirtless, he'd seen that a few times before. But now he finally wanted to know if Derek's ass lived up to what he'd been fantasizing about for what seemed like forever.

And confident as Morgan was, he didn't hesitate for a moment to comply with Spencer's request.

When Derek finally stood naked in front of him and Spencer let his eyes slide over him, he immediately knew how he could pleasure Derek.

Spencer grabbed Derek's hand and pulled him with him to the bed. There, he sat on the edge and brought Derek right in front of him. He searched Derek's eyes as he reached for his cock. "Do you want me to ..." Spencer placed a light kiss on Derek's tip. But before he could do more, Derek's fingers slid into his hair and pulled him back slightly. "Not this time. Otherwise, the night will be over in five minutes."

Spencer nodded. He would do anything Morgan wanted. And clearly he wanted more than just a blow job. Spencer pushed himself further onto the bed, legs slightly apart. "How do you want me?" he asked.

"Can I ... I want ... I ..."

Spencer smiled. "You're not going to get shy now, are you?" he teased Derek lightly.

Derek swallowed, but then growled, "I want to be inside you. I want to feel you around me, knowing that when you come, all you can think about is me."

Spencer got hot at Derek's words and he felt his heart pounding up to his throat. They were really going to do it. A first time for both of them, and Spencer knew he would never forget it.

"I need you to prepare me. Do you ...," Spencer continued.

Derek immediately interrupted him. "Lube, top drawer on the right. Condoms, too." And Spencer suddenly felt a little like the prey of a large predator as Derek knelt on the bed and advanced up between Spencer's legs.

Quickly, Spencer pulled open the drawer next to him and handed Derek the lube and condom. From the looks of it, Derek knew what he was doing, something that didn't really surprise Spencer. Still, he offered, "It's probably easier from behind."

Spencer started to turn around, but Derek held him by the hips. "I want to look into your eyes while I do it. I want to see every moment that it's you I'm having sex with. As sexy as your ass is, I want to see your face while we do it."

An indescribable feeling spread through Spencer and he knew the source was not his cock, but his heart.

But his attention was quickly returned to his arousal as Derek took him in hand and stroked him before opening the lube and squeezing out a generous portion. He spread the lube on his fingers, then placed them at Spencer's entrance and lightly ran them over the muscle.

Spencer knew that feeling, even though he hadn't gone further with any previous partners. But now knowing Derek would be the one he took this final step with heated him up even more. A tremor gripped Spencer's whole body, and he realized at the same time that Derek's fingers were also shaking a little.

Spencer caught Derek's gaze seconds before he slid a finger inside him. The moan that was about to burst out of him, however, caught in his throat in surprise when he heard Derek say at the same time, "I think I love you."

Spenzer stared tensely at Derek, forgetting for a few seconds everything around him and what he felt. Derek loved him? Could that be the case?

But in the next moment, Spencer was brought back to reality. Derek slowly moved his finger inside him, at first only millimeters, then deeper and deeper. The feeling was indescribable, arousing, and most of all, so intimate. Spencer sighed as he gradually got used to the feeling and as it left him wanting more. And Derek seemed to sense this, because in the next moment he pulled back and then immediately penetrated him with two fingers.

Spencer uttered a silent scream as all at once a lightning bolt went through his entire body, starting from a small bundle of nerves that Derek had just touched. And Derek didn't let go of it. He kept circling that magic spot with his fingers, driving Spencer's arousal to new heights, until Spencer could only clutch at the sheets with a moan.

"Derek, please!" groaned Spencer.

"Yes?"

"Please!"

"Tell me what you want. Or are you playing coy now," Derek demanded with a smile.

"You. Inside me. Now!" gasped Spencer. But Derek shook his head. "You're not ready."

Derek reached for the lube again. Carefully, he then pressed another fingertip into Spencer. Spencer bit his lips. It didn't hurt, but he still felt like he was about to tear up. "Relax. You're so tight," Derek murmured to him. "Give in to me." With his other hand, Derek reached out and stroked Spencer's cock, gently at first, then more forcefully. The extra touch distracted Spencer and slowly he relaxed a little. Derek immediately pushed his fingers further.

A few minutes later - by now Spencer was producing nothing but low moans - Derek withdrew his fingers from him.

"Don't! What are you doing?" it escaped Spencer.

Derek leaned over him and sealed his mouth with a passionate kiss. "Now you're ready," he murmured as he lifted his head again. Derek rolled the condom over himself and then spread the lube liberally on his cock.

"Okay?" asked Derek as he placed his cock at Spencer's entrance.

Spencer nodded. Now he was going to be as close to Derek as he could possibly get.

And at the same moment, Derek slowly penetrated him.

Spencer groaned loudly and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He felt a slight pain, but he wanted this so badly. And he knew: the pain would pass and the indescribable feeling of Derek inside him would make him forget everything else.

Spencer tried to breathe slowly. He still felt an emptiness inside him that Derek would fill. But he could only do that if he relaxed. He thought of the indescribable feeling Derek had created inside him with his fingers. He wanted to feel that again.

As the pain slowly subsided, Spencer opened his eyes and looked directly into Derek's, watching him intently.

"Thank you," he sighed. "You can...can now...aah!"

Derek didn't let Spencer finish. He pushed forward a little, pulled back, and repeated the motion. Slowly he worked his way forward until finally his entire length was embedded in Spencer.

Spencer didn't take his eyes off Derek for a moment. This was what he had longed for. This feeling of being one with Derek, of feeling his heartbeat right inside him, so to speak. This had to be love.

Derek leaned down to Spencer and covered his face and neck with little kisses. Spencer grabbed Derek's shoulders at the same time and held onto them. He wanted more. He wanted to climax together, with Derek.

"Please, move. I can't take much more of this," he murmured in Derek's ear. "And I want to feel you come inside me!"

The loud moan that escaped Derek at his words was taken by Spencer as approval. And in the next moment, Derek first pulled out of Spencer almost completely before thrusting deep inside him again.

Spencer groaned and involuntarily tightened around Derek, cheering him on even more. In steady long thrusts, Derek moved inside Spencer. Spencer thought that his arousal could not be increased any more, and yet Derek drove him higher and higher. Spencer felt like Derek was filling him more and more. He shook with arousal as Derek put more force into the thrusts, entering him faster and harder. Spencer could no longer suppress a groan, and finally couldn't hold back the little cries that rushed across his lips, punctuated only by and "Yes!" and "Derek!"

There was only this pleasure Derek was giving him that threatened to completely overwhelm him. "Derek! Derek!" cried out Spencer.

"Come with me!" the latter demanded, grasping Spencer's cock and thrusting into him violently at the same time.

Spencer reared back, moaning loudly and spilling over Derek's hand. His muscles twitched and he contracted around Derek, bringing him to climax as well.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... We are actually in the countdown! The last lines of the story are written, tomorrow and Wednesday I will post the two final chapters.
> 
> Also, there is a surprise from my dear reader winblack. She has put together a playlist for this story and the songs really fit the individual chapters perfectly. The entire playlist is available here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1OpkWlD9cjSNpLLI9EdjTI?si=wcDe441cQkCMRO88MjwqXw&nd=1   
> I add which song belongs to which chapter in the footnote of the first chapter.
> 
> And now I wish you a lot of fun with this new chapter. Spencer has to deal with the events of the last night.

Spencer stared at the ceiling of Derek's bedroom, not knowing whether to cheer or cry. It was slowly dawning outside and the unfamiliar chirping of birds, which he didn't know from his apartment, had woken him up. Derek beside him was still sound asleep.

What have I done, Spencer asked himself.

The night had been incredible, but Spencer didn't like to imagine what would follow now. His dream had truly turned into a nightmare. Derek would never speak to him again when he woke up to find that Spencer had taken advantage of his drunken state. He truly wasn't much better than Carl Buford. He couldn't make excuses that Derek had certainly enjoyed the sex. He had not been sane, was not in his right mind, and therefore could not really give his consent at all.

And yet it created a warm feeling when Spencer remembered how careful Derek had been and how passionate at the same time. This is what love should feel like.

Carefully, Spencer flipped back the covers. He couldn't just stay here lying next to Derek. He needed to get out of Derek's bed, to a neutral place where he could calmly think about what to do next.

Spencer got up and gathered his clothes, which were scattered at the foot of the bed. Then he slipped outside and into Derek's living room.

At least Hotch had promised that they were guaranteed a rest this weekend. That, Spencer thought as he got dressed, bought him some time in which he could try to straighten things out with Derek somehow without their colleagues witnessing the whole dilemma. Or time to write his resignation if Derek couldn't forgive him. If Derek saw the night as sexual harassment or worse, he'd be lucky to have another job to quit after the weekend anyway.

Indecisively, Spencer stood in Morgan's living room when he finally finished getting dressed. He couldn't just disappear without a word, either. That would just be the culmination of his impossible behavior. He didn't want to hurt Derek even more after what he had done to him.

Quickly, Spencer rummaged around in his bag and found what he was looking for. "I'm terribly sorry. I can really understand if you never want to speak to me again. Please forgive me. Spencer," he wrote on a large yellow Post-it and then, after a moment's thought, stuck it to Morgan's coffee machine. He would certainly to discover the message there.

Then Spencer packed his things and left Morgan's house.

The entire drive to his apartment, Spencer couldn't get the conflicting feelings inside him under control. Normally, sitting behind the wheel of his old car and concentrating on the traffic calmed him down. But it was early in the morning and the whole city seemed to still be asleep.

For a moment, Spencer wondered if he should call JJ. But what should he tell her? If he told her everything truthfully, he could guess what she would tell him: the same thing his guilty conscience had been telling him all along - that he should never have slept with a drunken Morgan, no matter how much he had wanted to.

Once home, Spencer first slipped into his bathroom and shower. The car ride had been uncomfortable, and not just because of the thoughts tormenting him. He should have expected that his first time would not pass him by without a trace. He doubted that he had really sustained any injuries, Derek had been far too careful for that, but his butt clearly made him feel what had happened the previous night.

While Spencer let the warm water run over his body, he thought about how he could come clean with Derek again. This time, at least, he knew exactly what he needed to apologize for, though he had no idea how a simple apology would even suffice. In any case, he owed Derek an explanation. He would wait a little longer in case Morgan needed to get over his hangover first, but then he would call him and ask to talk.

With that decision in mind, Spencer left the bathroom and set about making coffee. He needed it now. While the machine made gurgling noises, he reached for his cell phone and was surprised to find that a message from Derek was waiting for him. For a moment Spencer hesitated, but then he opened the message.

Is the breakfast appointment still on? Ten o'clock at Café Santa Maria?, it said.

Could that be? Derek was actually going to meet him for breakfast, as he had suggested that night?

Spencer took a deep breath. At least that was a sign that Derek was willing to talk to him and that he was giving him a chance to explain himself.

Spencer pondered what to answer now. Put the whole explanation and apology in the message already? Tell him he was looking forward to breakfast despite all the adverse circumstances? None of it fit. Finally, he kept it short: I'll be there.

Spencer briefly glanced at the words again and then pressed send.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post the last two chapters right after each other. Spencer is about to be released from his misery ;-) The happy ending is near. :-)

To say he was nervous would be the understatement of the year. If you put him in a cage with ravenous lions, he wouldn't have been more nervous. Spencer paced restlessly a few feet outside the coffee shop Derek had chosen as a meeting place. Of course, he was early. He had been here fifteen minutes before the appointed time. And of course Derek was still nowhere in sight.

"I'll apologize. I'll explain everything to him. He'll ... he'll understand. No, but he'll forgive me. I'll apologize. I'll explain everything to him," Spencer muttered to himself like a mantra.

He had briefly considered sitting at a table, but he had no idea if Derek would prefer a seat inside or outside. And besides, he probably couldn't sit still anyway.

"He's my friend. He's going to forgive me. He'll just have to forgive me," Spencer babbled on, not even realizing what an odd image he might make for passersby or the café's patrons.

"Hi Spence, I missed you this morning," Derek's voice suddenly rang out right next to him and Spencer winced in shock.

"Derek! ... Um ... hi! ... I ... well ... I did ... I ..." he stammered. His gaze darted uncertainly back and forth between his own feet and Derek's face. He couldn't look him directly in the eye, but still wanted desperately to try to tell from Derek's facial expressions how pissed he was.

"Hey, kiddo, take a deep breath," Spencer vaguely perceived Derek's voice sounding more reassuring than angry. "It's all okay. Breathe in ... and breathe out. ... In ... and out. That's it."

Spencer focused on Morgan's words: inhale, exhale, he could do that. In and out.

"Why are you standing around here?" inquired Derek, as Spencer began to feel like he was no longer having a panic attack. "Isn't there any more room for us?"

"I didn't know if you wanted to sit inside or outside," Spencer quietly returned.

"Outside is fine," Derek replied promptly. Spencer winced as Derek grabbed his hand the next moment and pulled him to an empty table in front of the wall of the house. "Have a seat. I'm sure there'll be coffee in a minute. It'll make you feel better."

Spencer doubted his coffee panacea would work today. He was completely confused. He had expected a Derek who could barely contain his anger, or at least one who glared angrily at him from a scowl. Instead, Derek acted as if nothing had happened at all. Or more to the point, as if today was one of the best days he'd had in weeks or months.

"Aren't you mad at me at all?" inquired Spencer, confused.

"Why? Because you gave me a taste of my own medicine? Certainly not," Derek returned as he sat down. Spencer carefully settled on the edge of the chair across from him. A thick pillow under his butt would have been nice right about now. And unfortunately, Derek didn't seem to have missed how cautious he was, because the latter immediately asked, "Are you okay?"

"What do you mean by your own medicine?" inquired Spencer at the same time.

Spencer felt the blush rise to his face at Derek's question. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little ... um ... strained?" he slowly brought out.

"Strained? Are you sore from lying around?" inquired Derek, and Spencer could hear the laughter in his voice. But Derek immediately apologized again for his words, "Sorry, that wasn't fair. Are you sure everything is okay?"

Spencer nodded. "But what did you just mean?"

But before Derek could answer, a waitress approached their table and asked for their order. Spencer didn't even get a chance to answer, though. Derek beat him to it, ordering a fancy breakfast menu for two and - most urgently - two large servings of coffee.

"I don't really have an appetite," Spencer muttered as the waitress disappeared again. But Derek didn't address that at all. "To your question, you took off after our second night together just as I did after our first. And you even left me a message, which I didn't manage to do. In that respect, I have no justification whatsoever to be mad at you."

Spencer froze. What had Derek just said? Had he heard wrong? Or was Derek just playing a nasty joke on him? Or: was last night's alcohol still clouding his brain?

"Our first what?" finally asked Spencer incredulously. "Derek, are you sure you're sober by now? We've ... we've only had one ... only once with each other ..."

Derek spared him further stammering, "And there lies your mistake. I'm quite sure I'm sober. And I wasn't drunk yesterday either. Unlike you a week ago."

"You poured shot after shot into yourself and couldn't walk straight when I brought you home. You could hardly call that sober," Spencer returned. "And I'm sure if we had slept together before yesterday, I would know that."

"Says the guy who explained to me that his eidetic memory is like Swiss cheese once it comes under the influence of alcohol."

Spencer felt all color suddenly drain from him now. This couldn't be true. Certainly he couldn't have just forgotten the one thing he had wanted so badly? What had he done? "Does that mean ... does that mean ..."

"That you already gave me an almost unforgettable night once a week ago. Yes," Derek explained with a small smile.

This couldn't be true. Spencer felt a chill run down his spine as he remembered the dream he had on the very night Derek must have been referring to. If Derek was right, then this had not been a dream. Then he had indeed seduced Derek. Then - and Spencer didn't even like to admit it to himself - he had taken advantage of Derek's drunken state for the second time. How could he do that? And twice?

Groaning, Spencer buried his face in his hands. He would never be able to look Derek in the eye again. He didn't deserve to be in his presence at all anymore.

Spencer felt his throat tighten and the only thing that came out was a soft sniffle.

"Hey, pretty boy, talk to me. Why do you have such a big problem with us and what was between us?", Derek's voice quietly penetrated Spencer through the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings.

"Why?" whispered Spencer without looking up. "Why? Because I took advantage of your condition. And that, as you're telling me right now, not just once, but twice. I know you're not into men. And yet ... and yesterday ... all I wanted was one ... one night. But that's so wrong."

Spencer cursed himself and his stupid dreams. He had ruined everything with that now.

Only one thing surprised him: that Derek hadn't already gotten up and left. Instead, the latter grabbed his hands and pulled them away from his face.

"Look at me, Spence. Do I look like I have a problem with this?" inquired Derek calmly. "Granted, after our first night, I did have one. Plus, I couldn't remember what happened at first either. That's why I was so panicked. But by now ... by now I know that it doesn't matter at all whether I'm into men or not. I'm into you! And yesterday: I wasn't drunk. The others drank the liquor. I swear."

Spencer looked at Derek out of red-rimmed eyes. Why was Morgan talking such nonsense? "Derek, you're a terrible liar," Spencer said quietly. "Don't you know you're not helping me by doing that, you're hurting me even more by sugar-coating everything? Stop it! Yell at me, be mad, but don't play me just to make me feel better for half an hour."

But Derek became serious. "I'm not playing you. I told you last night, but I like to repeat it: I think I'm falling in love with you."

Spencer just shook his head and stood up. Was Derek going to torture him by first getting his hopes up and then just dropping him? Was this supposed to be punishment for what he had unknowingly done to Derek?

But Derek didn't give Spencer a chance to escape. He jumped up and held Spencer by the shoulders. "You don't believe it? What do I have to do to prove it to you? Do you want me to put it in writing? Do you want me to put it up on a billboard? Or ... or should I just kiss you right here in front of everyone."

Spencer's eyes grew wide. Derek wouldn't dare. Not jokingly, and certainly not seriously. "Don't joke with me," Spencer begged softly. His heart tightened when he thought about the fact that now, in his dreams, he'd probably always hear Derek asking him if he should kiss him - only to turn away from him.

But Derek didn't turn away, and Spencer froze when Derek suddenly pulled him into his arms and did exactly what he craved: Derek kissed him. Right in the middle of the café, in plain sight, where everyone could see them.

It took a small eternity for Spencer to really feel that this was all real and dare to return the kiss.

"This ... this can't be happening," Spencer murmured as Derek finally broke away from him again. With his fingers, he touched his mouth, as if to verify that those were really his lips Derek had kissed.

"It's true," Derek confirmed, gently pushing Spencer back into the chair just in time to make room for the waitress who approached with their breakfast.

When they were alone again, Spencer still sat motionless. This all had to be a dream. He was safe in his bed, fantasizing. This couldn't be happening.

"You're starting to scare me," he heard Derek say, and then felt Derek grab his hand. "Are you still with me?"

"Yeah, I think so. Or I just died and went to heaven," Spencer muttered. The smile he saw on Derek's lips in response warmed him through and through.

"Then let me tell you how you seduced me the first time we met," Derek smirked. "And if you can't remember ... well then maybe we should re-enact that scene."

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all those who have read "Misconceptions": The following epilogue is not the same as the other story. I already had the idea for another epilogue when I wrote the conclusion of "Misconceptions" - and you can find it here.

"Okay, the betting pool is open. Who's going to place the first bet?" inquired Rossi, looking back and forth between Penelope, Emily and J.J. with a grin.

"Me, me, me," Garcia squeaked excitedly. "I'll bet you both that they're going to get here together today. And Spencer probably still in his clothes from the weekend. After all, he won't have needed them at all in the past few hours."

"Garcia, what are you insinuating about those two?" retorted Emily, playfully indignant.

"Well, come on. You don't seriously think those two can keep their hands off each other after that obstacle course they've been through. Oh, if I could do what I wanted ... there would be photos ... and videos ... and a live stream."

JJ had to chuckle. "To get back to our bet: I'll put one more on top. I think they're holding hands."

"Holding hands? Morgan? No way," Emily protested immediately. "He's way too macho for that. With a girl, maybe, but never with Reid."

"Oh, he does have a romantic streak," Rossi interjected. "But I actually wouldn't see holding hands either."

"You don't know my chocolate muffin very well there," Garcia opined. "He'll do anything for the one he loves. And if Spencer wants to hold hands, Morgan would never say no to that. Definitely not."

"What about making out?" inquired Emily. "Do we get to see anything?"

"Only if you put cameras in the kitchen - or in the archives. Spencer is way too shy to make out with Morgan in front of us," J.J. interjected.

"Again, you guys don't know my Morgan. You don't think he's going to let Reid's shyness stop him from kissing him when he feels like it."

"Tell me, what's so exciting? One can hear your laughing and screaming all the way here from the elevator," Aaron inquired as he suddenly turned the corner into the bullpen and stopped next to his team.

"Oh, you're still completely clueless," Garcia immediately gushed. "We're betting. On Morgan and Reid. They're together now. So like, for real. A couple."

Hotch looks calmly around the room. "So?"

"So? SO?" exclaimed Garcia excitedly. "Did you understand what I said?"

Hotch nodded. "And you bet on it?"

Emily shook her head, "No, we're betting on whether they'll somehow make their new status known when they come into the office today. Like by holding hands or kissing."

"You're welcome to join," Rossi smiled, already expecting the team leader to immediately decline.

He seemed all the more surprised when Aaron declared, "Okay, I'm in. Ten bucks says neither of you will see anything."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" said J.J. immediately. "Morgan, okay, he might be able to hide something like that. But Spencer? No, Spencer will show the relationship somehow. He won't be able to keep his hands off Morgan now that he's allowed to."

"Ten bucks says you don't see anything," Hotch repeated matter-of-factly.

"If you want to lose badly enough," Rossi said good-naturedly, holding out a small box for each to place his bet.

"Any more bets?" he inquired when the notes had landed in the box. Unanimous shaking of heads was the response. "Then it's wait and see now."

But now Hotch shook his head and a slight smile appeared on his face. "Well, actually, you could hand me my betting winnings now."

Garcia was already starting to object, but Hotch raised his finger and continued. "I bet you that you wouldn't see anything, and I've already won. As long as you want to wait, Morgan and Reid aren't coming into the office today. They both called me this morning and put in a couple of days of vacation. So you definitely won't be seeing anything." With that, he reached for the box with a grin, leaving his stunned colleagues behind. Halfway to his office, he turned around again. "So you know, I'll send your money to the two of them. They should treat themselves to a nice date out of it."

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is indeed accomplished. This story has it's happy ending and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I welcome any comments on this story and will be happy to respond to them as well.
> 
> I also welcome ideas and suggestions for new stories. Right now I'm working on "Hot Rhythms," a Moreid story that will probably get at least 40 chapters. But besides that, there might be room for something shorter. And ideas for more stories can never hurt ;-)  
> I hope you will stay with me for further stories.


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